An open letter to my family members and friends who live in snow-free locations:
Hello! I hope this note finds you well and happy.
Gosh, who can believe we’re almost done with 2019. It’s been another whirlwind year at Casa Kimerer!
Say, as a special favor in the spirit of the ...
It’s such a huge adjustment, really; going from high school to college.
I mean, the move alone is a major modification to life as you know it. Everything you knew before of regular old existence at the homestead is turned completely upside down, physically and, you know, in the ...
Everything I need to know, I learned from “Legally Blonde.”
Well, not really.
To be fair, I’ve gone down this path before with some of my OTHER all-time fave flicks, including, “Moonstruck,” “Shawshank Redemption” and “Shrek.”
Yes, “Shrek.” It’s surprisingly ...
After glancing down the other day, it occurred to me the life I’d known to that point, had ceased to exist.
There they were. Live, in Technicolor and unmistakable — my grandma’s ankles.
I’m not sure why, but I remember what they looked like. Strange.
I just recall looking ...
My friend’s second-grader isn’t learning it yet — but I guess that’s not odd since my other pal’s kids didn’t hear about it from their teachers until the third grade.
But even then, the entire lesson lasted for the equivalent of like, oh, I don’t know, three periods or so. Um, ...
I’ve been called many things in my life.
Several of which are unfit to print … or even post to social media … or speak in front of your priest.
But that was mostly when I was little and sparring with my sister, Gina. Okay fine, when I was getting whooped on by her, whatever. ...
I’m good with the people stuff, as it were.
No, I’m not bragging. I’ve never thought that was a very good look.
Tooting one’s own horn = bad form, egotistic, patently rude and just kinda icky.
Now, if I’m gushing about the sheer wonderfulness that is my child, well, that’s ...
Remember the original Flo? No, not the Progressive Insurance gal.
I’m talking about the factionary waitress who worked for the pretend boss Mel at the made-up diner of the same name in the 1970s / ’80s sitcom “Alice.” I loved that show.
It’s the story of a young widow who scoops ...
Remember that “Seinfeld” episode when Jerry rented a car at the airport but, upon trying to pick it up, was told, “There aren’t any cars. We ran out.”
Jerry built an entire schtick about how anyone can TAKE a reservation, but it’s really the HOLDING of the reservation that’s the ...
Well, clearly, I am in denial.
If I’ve done it once, I’ve done it two dozen times.
In fact, during the course of the weekly e-bulletin I write at my day job, I did it thrice.
THREE TIMES in a single newsletter!
Yep. Just as I do every year around this time, I keep accidentally referring ...
Remember that saying “A watched pot never boils”?
I’m pretty sure it was that pauper dude who coined all the brilliant phrases that he apparently didn’t want people to know Benjamin Franklin was really saying.
So the founding father / inventor / brainiac made up the pseudonym “Poor ...
Remember the movie “Arthur” starring Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli and the always scene-stealing actor extraordinaire, Sir John Gielgud?
That was a pretty funny flick. I was 11 when it was released, so I do recall having to wait to watch it until several years afterward when it finally made ...
I’m certain I’ve mentioned it at least once already.
Hey, I’m getting up there, bear with my foggy memory.
Back when I was a senior in college, I had a part-time job as a telemarketer.
It was — how do you say? — abysmal.
I seem to recall most of my paycheck going to Olan ...
You can tell a lot about a man by _________________ .
That blank has been filled by many a famous human.
German Jewish philosopher and essayist Walter Benjamin said: “You can tell a lot about a man by the books he keeps — his taste, his interest, his habits.”
Well that’s ...
Mars and Venus. How far apart are they, really?
I mean, I remember the third-grade acronym clarifying the proper order of the third rock and our neighboring planets: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto.
The way I recall it is, “My Very Excellent Mother ...
If you know me at all, you know that PK’s got a few, well, um, let’s just call them by their proper monikers, shall we? They are my obsessions.
Hey, we’ve all got our stuff. Don’t pretend you’re immune. At least I own it. Whatever.
Anyhoo, said fixations include but are not ...
I like to think of myself as reasonably, marginally bright.
You know, clever enough to string together a sentence, sharp enough to follow concise directions.
Unless they are in any way relating to geography. In that sense, I am far below average intelligence. Like, really far.
But as ...
Looks like our motherland might be having a little 243-year-itch, you know what I’m sayin’?
What with it being the weekend of Independence Day and all, I thought I’d give her some love ... or at least a bit of a scratch.
I really can’t blame the old girl for being a little put off ...
An open letter to my “son” (or are you my “nephew”?):
You don’t know me, although judging by your claims, I either birthed you or one of my siblings did. So I guess that makes us family. And, since we’re kin and all, I’m going to have to give you some tough ...
I’ve become quite used to it, frankly.
In fact, I cannot recall a single occurrence when it’s been guessed correctly. And people always suppose the same wrong answer. ALWAYS.
Not that it’s not a nice middle name. It is. It’s just not mine.
But whenever folks see or hear my name — ...