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Patty Kimerer column

Scrumptious pandemic pancakes pack on pounds

Memorial Day weekend 2020. Hmm. On one hand, I think the fact that we’re all supposed to continue stay home, social distance from one another and observe all the other safe health practices that will help us crush that crummy curve offers one distinct benefit to this year’s ...

Look on the bright side at the pandemic pluses

Well, it’s been two months. Like two, full flipping months. How ya hangin’ in there, my peeps? Yeah, me, too. Blech. #OverIt I know there’s lots to be scared about out there in the big old pandemic world these days. Sick as we are of being in the casa, the thought of leaving it? ...

This old girl’s still learning, thanks to mom

It’s Sunday. At least, I think it is. It’s getting harder and harder to distinguish between the earthly axis rotations right now, am I right? In fact, for those of us in NE Ohio and NW Pennsylvania, it’s pretty much still the dead of winter. Come on, already, Mother Nature; I’m ...

Leave Han Solo — ahem, Harrison Ford — alone

Well, it’s been another week of wacky here on planet Earth. California beaches were opened for 47 seconds before rule-breakers cramming the sands — and each other at a social distance of about .5 mm — ruined it for everyone. Nimrods. Continuing controversy and drama surrounding the ...

Staying home all day, every day rocks — said no one ever

Oh my gosh, I absolutely LOVE being home all the time, every single day, 24/7. It’s nothing short of awesome, being confined to the house for work, play and every other imaginable human action. Toss in the total fabulosity known as the daily (I’m sorry, not daily, hourly; no, wait, ...

It’s finally time to get back to reality … reality TV, that is

I missed them. I didn’t think I would, but I did. Well, I knew I’d miss Erika. She’s wicked cool, after all. But the rest of them, I didn’t really plan on pining after. Except the big B. Sure, I knew I’d be reeling from Bethenny withdrawals. She’s my favorite of all of them, BT ...

On this silent night, all was quiet and calm

Most people don’t know this. Actually, I’m not sure anyone does — or they didn’t until now. I’m a bit of an insomniac. That’s not the secret part. My poor sleep pattern is near legendary among my circle of humans, by the by. No, the previously undisclosed info is that quite often ...

Quarantine makes for one slightly crabby Patty

Well, the global Groundhog Day scenario continues, eh? Hmpf. I feel you, friends. And yep, there’s no denying it: Our current sitch here on the third rock is scaring the stuffings out of old PK. Period. So I feel the need to again remind everyone of the CDC COVID-19 Guidelines for ...

Low-maintenance girls are quarantine queens

You know, now is when it finally pays off to be me. Oh, I know, I’m a dork by all estimations and of fairly considerable percentage. I don’t carry designer bags. I buy formal dresswear exclusively from the clearance bin. On the rare occasion you see nail polish on these man hands of ...

Working from home is a sacrifice we can all enjoy

We’re not talking about it. Okay, we technically are. But I’m not mentioning IT, specifically. Well, not by name, expressly. This week, anyway. Not because I’m not taking it seriously. I am. Boy, am I. It’s not because I’m not scared. I am. Man, am I. It’s not that I don’t ...

We’ll get through this together, at a distance

You probably haven’t heard much about it yet in your area. It’s a new thing, really. Just burst onto the scene about back in ... oh, late December, I believe. Nah, I’m not referring to the whole deal with the super-jolly dude in red flying around on his big old sleigh with his cool ...

Pop was always there and will always be remembered

Fernando. Fred. Freddie. Hon. Dad. Foh-pa. Bop. Grandpa Marinucci. Honorary big brother. Mr. Marinucci. Marinuch. My father was called many different names by a myriad of folks. As for me? I called him Pop. I was pretty much the only one who referred to him that way. I think that’s ...

Don’t worry about what you hear; you know you

It all happened so quickly. It was over nearly before it started. “Are we the only ones in here?” I faintly heard one gal ask another from my stall at the far wall end of the ladies room. “I think so,” came the somewhat muted reply as I tried to whip up a sham sneeze in attempts to ...

Drowning in love with the life of a swim mom

Swim parents. We’re a breed unto ourselves, to be certain. Take one glance and it’s clear that we aren’t your typical sports moms and dads. Or aunts and uncles, grammas and grampas, or general fans of float. We don’t cuss, fuss or tell the coach how to wrangle his school of fish. ...

One word says it all if it has enough capital letters

It’s actually one of my all-time favorite words. Hmm. Do we really need the “all-time” preceding favorite? I mean, aren’t we strongly implying, by showing overt preference for a thing, that it became such as a conscious decision made over, you know, time? I digress. Anyway, ...

On behalf of all the loners: Leave us alone!

I have to say that I’ve felt this way for quite some time now. It’s just that I’m always hesitant to broach a topic that could easily be construed as controversial. Especially in the current political climate, I am reticent even to mention the subject. But, no. You know what? This ...

Punxsutawney Phil is a liar; 49ers are doomed

The thing about Groundhog Day and the Super Bowl being on the same day is — other than the fact that it’s only happened once before — it’s just double the depression for old PK. Here’s why: No. 1: There’ll never NOT be more winter after Groundhog Day. Look, I’m sorry to toss ...

It’s been winter for 35 days — might as well be 35 years!

It’s been a month and 24 hours since Christmas, even though it seems like that was decades ago. The calendar’s been stuck on winter for 35 days so far — yet each one feels like a YEAR to we cold-weather haters. Sorry snow fans, but I haven’t felt my fingers or toes in weeks. ...

Fashion trends are confusing and some need to go away

Ever since that episode of “Sex and the City” in which Carrie Bradshaw made an argument for it, I’ve taken the WIDE liberty of considering myself something of an artist. Hey! I can hear y’all laughing all the way from here. Unnecessarily hurtful. Ahem. As I was saying, the fictional ...

Christmas contraband coffee creamer coveted

Well, it’s only a matter of days now. Hours, really, if you want to get technical. Soon and very soon, I’m going to burn through my entire supply. The whole stockpile. Poof! And then... life will take a very dark turn for PK, folks. It’ll be a sad, sad day, one lamented until the very ...