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Patty Kimerer column

Ups and downs of quarantine … mostly downs

I know, I know. I’m sort of shifting direction. Last week I gave you lots of suggestions for avoiding certain topics related to a certain issue dominating certain lives. Like, um, the lives of all those of all the humans currently residing on the third rock from the sun. In my last ...

Find a book to read, letter to write, reason to smile

You need not be particularly religious, spiritual or faith-filled to have heard of them. You don’t necessarily have to be predominantly good or bad, either, BT dubs. They are likely as identifiable in the secular world as the pious one. So, surely you’ve heard of the seven deadly sins, ...

Regrets, I’ve had a few, but too few to mention

There are a lot of things in my life about which I’m pretty sorry. For instance, I’m sorry for still going to my senior high school prom with the boy who dumped me on my 18th birthday three weeks earlier. I mean, I already had the dress and everything. Besides, I thought for sure it’d ...

Patience is a virtue many of us don’t have

I can hear him now. Clear as a bell. He always said it twice, con mucho gusto in the second iteration — for emphasis, natch. “I hate to wait. I HATE to wait,” Pop always lamented in a long line or between extended pauses of meal courses at restaurants. He was really just voicing a ...

Let’s get together and celebrate our nation

It’s funny really, the wide variety of meanings a single word can convey. For instance, take the word “curfew.” For parents, this is a word that ensures healthy guidelines, necessary structure and some modicum of safety. It’s generally considered positive. To teenagers it’s a ...

Just wear the flippity-flopping mask already

It worked for Zorro. It works for all those singers on that oddly popular FOX-TV music show. It’s the highlight of many a themed ball, not to mention being a requirement for Mardi Gras, Carnivale and, of course, my least favorite “holiday” — Halloween. (Don’t get me started on why ...

2020: Super-sighs of disappointment, sadness

I don’t know anyone who thinks 2020 is a banner year. Sigh. In fact, it’s one for the books ... the horror genre, that is. And though it might seem paltry compared to current world and national events — lots of humans also are dealing with regular, run-of-the-mill, everyday heartbreak ...

Here’s hoping that 2021 looks more like 2019

I really don’t remember a lot about what I was doing on June 14, 2019. I know it was only 12 months ago, but at this point, it might as well have been 12 decades ago, am I right? I am wracking my brain trying to remember what a typical day was like last June. As I recall, it was a rather ...

Everything old is new in the post-COVID world

As the world tries to reinvent the way the humans work, play, function, maneuver, entertain and even feed ourselves, it’s clear: Some stuff just ain’t ever gonna be quite the same as it was before, a’ight? I mean, it’s obvious that distancing — or what Pop used to call living under ...

With winter over, the AC steps up as new enemy

Well, it finally happened. It was inevitable, really. I mean, after this long, cold Groundhog’s Day of a winter (I swear it was March for 114 days!), we knew this time would come eventually. It just wasn’t clear exactly when ... and / or how stable a situation we’d be facing as it ...

Scrumptious pandemic pancakes pack on pounds

Memorial Day weekend 2020. Hmm. On one hand, I think the fact that we’re all supposed to continue stay home, social distance from one another and observe all the other safe health practices that will help us crush that crummy curve offers one distinct benefit to this year’s ...

Look on the bright side at the pandemic pluses

Well, it’s been two months. Like two, full flipping months. How ya hangin’ in there, my peeps? Yeah, me, too. Blech. #OverIt I know there’s lots to be scared about out there in the big old pandemic world these days. Sick as we are of being in the casa, the thought of leaving it? ...

This old girl’s still learning, thanks to mom

It’s Sunday. At least, I think it is. It’s getting harder and harder to distinguish between the earthly axis rotations right now, am I right? In fact, for those of us in NE Ohio and NW Pennsylvania, it’s pretty much still the dead of winter. Come on, already, Mother Nature; I’m ...

Leave Han Solo — ahem, Harrison Ford — alone

Well, it’s been another week of wacky here on planet Earth. California beaches were opened for 47 seconds before rule-breakers cramming the sands — and each other at a social distance of about .5 mm — ruined it for everyone. Nimrods. Continuing controversy and drama surrounding the ...

Staying home all day, every day rocks — said no one ever

Oh my gosh, I absolutely LOVE being home all the time, every single day, 24/7. It’s nothing short of awesome, being confined to the house for work, play and every other imaginable human action. Toss in the total fabulosity known as the daily (I’m sorry, not daily, hourly; no, wait, ...

It’s finally time to get back to reality … reality TV, that is

I missed them. I didn’t think I would, but I did. Well, I knew I’d miss Erika. She’s wicked cool, after all. But the rest of them, I didn’t really plan on pining after. Except the big B. Sure, I knew I’d be reeling from Bethenny withdrawals. She’s my favorite of all of them, BT ...

On this silent night, all was quiet and calm

Most people don’t know this. Actually, I’m not sure anyone does — or they didn’t until now. I’m a bit of an insomniac. That’s not the secret part. My poor sleep pattern is near legendary among my circle of humans, by the by. No, the previously undisclosed info is that quite often ...

Quarantine makes for one slightly crabby Patty

Well, the global Groundhog Day scenario continues, eh? Hmpf. I feel you, friends. And yep, there’s no denying it: Our current sitch here on the third rock is scaring the stuffings out of old PK. Period. So I feel the need to again remind everyone of the CDC COVID-19 Guidelines for ...

Low-maintenance girls are quarantine queens

You know, now is when it finally pays off to be me. Oh, I know, I’m a dork by all estimations and of fairly considerable percentage. I don’t carry designer bags. I buy formal dresswear exclusively from the clearance bin. On the rare occasion you see nail polish on these man hands of ...

Working from home is a sacrifice we can all enjoy

We’re not talking about it. Okay, we technically are. But I’m not mentioning IT, specifically. Well, not by name, expressly. This week, anyway. Not because I’m not taking it seriously. I am. Boy, am I. It’s not because I’m not scared. I am. Man, am I. It’s not that I don’t ...