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Patty Kimerer column

2020 is scary enough; let the kids have candy

I set off some spooky speak the other day by asking some pals: “Does anyone know if we’re still having trick or treating?” I unwittingly sparked a controversial candy convo in zero flat, as in the Zoom glares zapped my way were anything but Zen, ya dig? Suddenly, it was: “Of course ...

Christmas every day instead of Groundhog Day

It’s taken all this time, but they’ve finally taken hold. My quarantine quirks have officially become habits. According to the wellness site “Healthline,” “it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to ...

2020 needs to, like, take a chill pill right about now

Well, it was bound to happen. It is, after all, the worst year, like, out of all the years. OK, maybe not EVER in the history of people-kind. But it’s got to be up there in at least the top three or so. I mean, how can anyone deny that we have been truly living life on one gigantic hamster ...

Join the boycott against the despicable H-word

It’s the ugliest word in the English language. I realize that’s a fairly bold statement — especially from a self-proclaimed words girl. But let’s face it, there’s hardly a more offensive, explosive, dangerous and destructive word than “hate.” Sure, there are a gazillion ...

Navigating a not-so-regular Ordinary Time

I’m just sitting here reflecting about how it is the 22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time. You know about Ordinary Time, right? I know I’ve discussed it previously, but as a refresher: Catholic Christians have our own cool calendar of seasons, yo. In fact, I’m pretty sure lots of JC fans, ...

Living a little more ‘Golden Girls’ than ‘Sex in the City’

Don’t look now but COVID-19 has prompted yet another unforeseen onslaught: the constant rerunning of certain classic television sitcoms. I mean, they’ve trotted out some treasures that are trending higher than Trump’s Twitter, a’ight? I’m not clear on who decided which shows would ...

Time to move on, now hand over the tissues

Well, finally. He’s gone. Man, I didn’t think he was ever gonna leave. Talk about an overstayed spring break, sheesh! I mean, that kid’s been home for what, like, five months now? Well, four months and 27 days ... and 17 hours and 42 minutes. It would’ve been five months on the nose ...

Don’t forget essentials when packing for desert island

You know how people always ask what you’d take with you if you were stranded alone on a desert island? Nope, that’s not a typo. So, by the by, what is a DESERT island, exactly? Is it like the Sahara — only smaller and plopped in the middle of the Dead Sea. Because, I’m thinking, if ...

Ups and downs of quarantine … mostly downs

I know, I know. I’m sort of shifting direction. Last week I gave you lots of suggestions for avoiding certain topics related to a certain issue dominating certain lives. Like, um, the lives of all those of all the humans currently residing on the third rock from the sun. In my last ...

Find a book to read, letter to write, reason to smile

You need not be particularly religious, spiritual or faith-filled to have heard of them. You don’t necessarily have to be predominantly good or bad, either, BT dubs. They are likely as identifiable in the secular world as the pious one. So, surely you’ve heard of the seven deadly sins, ...

Regrets, I’ve had a few, but too few to mention

There are a lot of things in my life about which I’m pretty sorry. For instance, I’m sorry for still going to my senior high school prom with the boy who dumped me on my 18th birthday three weeks earlier. I mean, I already had the dress and everything. Besides, I thought for sure it’d ...

Patience is a virtue many of us don’t have

I can hear him now. Clear as a bell. He always said it twice, con mucho gusto in the second iteration — for emphasis, natch. “I hate to wait. I HATE to wait,” Pop always lamented in a long line or between extended pauses of meal courses at restaurants. He was really just voicing a ...

Let’s get together and celebrate our nation

It’s funny really, the wide variety of meanings a single word can convey. For instance, take the word “curfew.” For parents, this is a word that ensures healthy guidelines, necessary structure and some modicum of safety. It’s generally considered positive. To teenagers it’s a ...

Just wear the flippity-flopping mask already

It worked for Zorro. It works for all those singers on that oddly popular FOX-TV music show. It’s the highlight of many a themed ball, not to mention being a requirement for Mardi Gras, Carnivale and, of course, my least favorite “holiday” — Halloween. (Don’t get me started on why ...

2020: Super-sighs of disappointment, sadness

I don’t know anyone who thinks 2020 is a banner year. Sigh. In fact, it’s one for the books ... the horror genre, that is. And though it might seem paltry compared to current world and national events — lots of humans also are dealing with regular, run-of-the-mill, everyday heartbreak ...

Here’s hoping that 2021 looks more like 2019

I really don’t remember a lot about what I was doing on June 14, 2019. I know it was only 12 months ago, but at this point, it might as well have been 12 decades ago, am I right? I am wracking my brain trying to remember what a typical day was like last June. As I recall, it was a rather ...

Everything old is new in the post-COVID world

As the world tries to reinvent the way the humans work, play, function, maneuver, entertain and even feed ourselves, it’s clear: Some stuff just ain’t ever gonna be quite the same as it was before, a’ight? I mean, it’s obvious that distancing — or what Pop used to call living under ...

With winter over, the AC steps up as new enemy

Well, it finally happened. It was inevitable, really. I mean, after this long, cold Groundhog’s Day of a winter (I swear it was March for 114 days!), we knew this time would come eventually. It just wasn’t clear exactly when ... and / or how stable a situation we’d be facing as it ...

Scrumptious pandemic pancakes pack on pounds

Memorial Day weekend 2020. Hmm. On one hand, I think the fact that we’re all supposed to continue stay home, social distance from one another and observe all the other safe health practices that will help us crush that crummy curve offers one distinct benefit to this year’s ...

Look on the bright side at the pandemic pluses

Well, it’s been two months. Like two, full flipping months. How ya hangin’ in there, my peeps? Yeah, me, too. Blech. #OverIt I know there’s lots to be scared about out there in the big old pandemic world these days. Sick as we are of being in the casa, the thought of leaving it? ...