Ever since that episode of “Sex and the City” in which Carrie Bradshaw made an argument for it, I’ve taken the WIDE liberty of considering myself something of an artist.
Hey! I can hear y’all laughing all the way from here. Unnecessarily hurtful. Ahem.
As I was saying, the fictional ...
Well, it’s only a matter of days now. Hours, really, if you want to get technical.
Soon and very soon, I’m going to burn through my entire supply. The whole stockpile. Poof! And then... life will take a very dark turn for PK, folks.
It’ll be a sad, sad day, one lamented until the very ...
You say you need a resolution? Well, you know, it’s true, we all wanna change ... um, lots of stuff, I suppose.
Mostly personal, am I right?
It is a fact that, just as the earth dwellers have done from cave-critter days through the log cabin phase up to the present flip-this-house day, we ...
There’s nothing like the end of a year — especially one that concludes a decade — to make one reflective.
I mean, there’s a reason “Auld Lange Syne” gets played 87 bazillion times annually between Dec. 26 and Jan. 1, capisce?
The humans like to take time to think about what’s ...
And now, as always, the annual obligatory homage to “A Visit from St. Nicholas” by Clement Clarke Moore — as told by jolly ol’ PK.
’Twas three nights before Christmas
When all through the casa
I was losing my grip
Like a falling Mufasa.
The wedding soup was
As were ...
“You know it, I know it, and the American people know it,” Bob Dole used to say. He was right. In fact, I’m pretty sure humans everywhere on the third rock are aware of this universal truth:
Giving = good and being stingy = bad. Period.
But the tricky part isn’t necessarily in the ...
Exactly 20 years ago today (down to the moment, depending on when you read the paper), I brought home the best early Christmas present I ever will receive: my baby boy.
Yep, it was cold and snowy on Dec. 8, 1999. I remember clearly because the chilled air had me wrapping that infant tighter ...
Well, this is it. Crunch time.
T minus 23 shopping days and counting.
Or would it be T-minus 24 days? I mean, technically there ARE stores open on Christmas Day.
As fictional matriarch Marie Barone of the sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond” often told her son: “I don’t like that, ...
I’m breaking with tradition a little … and rushing the seasonal theme a tad, I know! But I thought I’d take a humorous angle on Turkey Day ala Clement Moore’s, “A Visit from St. Nicholas.” Don’t worry, you’ll still get saddled with that one next month, too. I digress.
An open letter to my family members and friends who live in snow-free locations:
Hello! I hope this note finds you well and happy.
Gosh, who can believe we’re almost done with 2019. It’s been another whirlwind year at Casa Kimerer!
Say, as a special favor in the spirit of the ...
It’s such a huge adjustment, really; going from high school to college.
I mean, the move alone is a major modification to life as you know it. Everything you knew before of regular old existence at the homestead is turned completely upside down, physically and, you know, in the ...
Everything I need to know, I learned from “Legally Blonde.”
Well, not really.
To be fair, I’ve gone down this path before with some of my OTHER all-time fave flicks, including, “Moonstruck,” “Shawshank Redemption” and “Shrek.”
Yes, “Shrek.” It’s surprisingly ...
After glancing down the other day, it occurred to me the life I’d known to that point, had ceased to exist.
There they were. Live, in Technicolor and unmistakable — my grandma’s ankles.
I’m not sure why, but I remember what they looked like. Strange.
I just recall looking ...
My friend’s second-grader isn’t learning it yet — but I guess that’s not odd since my other pal’s kids didn’t hear about it from their teachers until the third grade.
But even then, the entire lesson lasted for the equivalent of like, oh, I don’t know, three periods or so. Um, ...
I’ve been called many things in my life.
Several of which are unfit to print … or even post to social media … or speak in front of your priest.
But that was mostly when I was little and sparring with my sister, Gina. Okay fine, when I was getting whooped on by her, whatever. ...
I’m good with the people stuff, as it were.
No, I’m not bragging. I’ve never thought that was a very good look.
Tooting one’s own horn = bad form, egotistic, patently rude and just kinda icky.
Now, if I’m gushing about the sheer wonderfulness that is my child, well, that’s ...
Remember the original Flo? No, not the Progressive Insurance gal.
I’m talking about the factionary waitress who worked for the pretend boss Mel at the made-up diner of the same name in the 1970s / ’80s sitcom “Alice.” I loved that show.
It’s the story of a young widow who scoops ...
Remember that “Seinfeld” episode when Jerry rented a car at the airport but, upon trying to pick it up, was told, “There aren’t any cars. We ran out.”
Jerry built an entire schtick about how anyone can TAKE a reservation, but it’s really the HOLDING of the reservation that’s the ...
Well, clearly, I am in denial.
If I’ve done it once, I’ve done it two dozen times.
In fact, during the course of the weekly e-bulletin I write at my day job, I did it thrice.
THREE TIMES in a single newsletter!
Yep. Just as I do every year around this time, I keep accidentally referring ...
Remember that saying “A watched pot never boils”?
I’m pretty sure it was that pauper dude who coined all the brilliant phrases that he apparently didn’t want people to know Benjamin Franklin was really saying.
So the founding father / inventor / brainiac made up the pseudonym “Poor ...