Human guinea pigs don’t pass sniff test

March 20, 2016

Sometimes a little extra cash isn’t worth it — not when it requires you to sniff armpit sweat. In one of the latest scientific discoveries using human guinea pigs, researchers have determined that close romantic partners unknowingly smell each other’s emotions. Why this is important, I don’t know. Generally, I haven’t had to sniff the air to know whether I’m in trouble. Researchers from Houston’s Rice University presented their findings a couple weeks back at the Association for Psychological Science’s annual convention. Twenty couples who lived together watched ...

This doesn’t smell right

March 13, 2016

It doesn’t make scents. Researchers claim that “male goat essence” is a real turn-on. A “goaty odor” doesn’t just attract females, it entices them. The report published in the journal Current Biology said eau de goat could be the amorous aromatic breakthrough we’ve been waiting for. I’m not sure what to make of that. What I have learned is that researchers are the biggest class of practical jokers on the planet. My theory is that “researchers” really are a bunch of bored 8-year-old boys telling silly stories and trying to discover what’s the craziest thing ...

Doorways, phones and fridges pull pranks

March 6, 2016

Have you ever walked into a room and but couldn’t remember why? You’re not becoming senile. The doorway did it. According to psychology researchers at University of Notre Dame, doorways act like scene changes in a movie. When you cross the threshold, the brain drops whatever thoughts it was holding. Here’s the scary part — the doorway has friends all over the house. How many times have you stared into the refrigerator trying to remember what it was you wanted? True, it could be the fridge door pulling the scene change stunt. But what about the spatula? We use kitchen ...

You’re so smart when you sleep

February 28, 2016

You know why you hardly ever land in hot water when you’re asleep? Because you’re smarter when you snooze. Science says so. My guess is that’s because it’s harder to be a smart mouth when we’re conked out. Just like smartphones, smart mouths make us stupid. Science says that about smartphones, too. According to research published this month in the journal Cell Reports, sleeping brains rev at racing speeds, consolidating memories from the day, pulling together strands of thought and stray scraps of information, and correlating them into cohesive flashes of ...

Carded into cashlessness by Monopoly game

February 21, 2016

I made my greatest fortune in Monopoly money. Ah, the feeling of blue, pink, yellow, green and goldenrod bills fluttering from my fingertips. The feeling of power was so intoxicating, it made me want to buy a hotel. Or at least a couple houses. Green, of course. Apparently, that’s about to change. Hasbro, maker of the iconic board game, plans to release the Monopoly Ultimate Banking edition this fall. All those wads of cash are being replaced by an ATM-like banking machine. Players will use debit cards. All the property deeds come with scannable bar codes. Prices will ...

Sweet thoughts at bargain prices

February 14, 2016

I am so excited that today is Valentine’s Day! It’s just like Christmas Eve, only sweeter. “Can you believe it’s almost Valentine’s Day?” I gushed to my wife a few days ago. “Thrilled,” Terry muttered, and turned the newspaper page. My sweetie is far better at disguising her enthusiasm than I am. “Just think,” I gushed. “By the end of the week, I can get you a heart-shaped box of candy for half price.” “Romantic,” she said, checking her cellphone for texts. “Do roses come in brown? If I bought brown roses, I could get them for maybe 80 percent off ...