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I am so excited that today is Valentine's Day! It's just like Christmas Eve, only sweeter.
"Can you believe it's almost Valentine's Day?" I gushed to my wife a few days ago.
"Thrilled," Terry muttered, and turned the newspaper page.
My sweetie is far better at disguising her enthusiasm than I am.
"Just think," I gushed. "By the end of the week, I can get you a heart-shaped box of candy for half price."
"Romantic," she said, checking her cellphone for texts.
"Do roses come in brown? If I bought brown roses, I could get them for maybe 80 percent off next week and they wouldn't even look wilted."
"Thoughtful," she said, and reached for her book.
I wish I possessed the same self-control that my darling does. But by the Night Before The Great Chocolate Sales -- Valentine's Day, for short -- I can barely get to sleep. And I need to if I want to be up in time to be first in line Feb. 15.
What could be more awesome for your health, both physically and fiscally, than half-price chocolate? The less money you need to spend on a healthy diet of chocolate, the more you have left over for desserts, such as Oreo cookies.
The marvelous benefits of chocolate have occupied researchers for centuries.
In 1500, Aztec Emperor Montezuma II raved about his liquid chocolate "which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink permits man to walk for a whole day without food."
Francisco Hernandez wrote in 1577 about how Mexicans mixed ground cacao beans into a powder to cure dysentery. It took modern researchers until 2005 to confirm that yes, the flavonoid antioxidants in chocolate can provide relief.
"Can you believe stores will really put all that wonderful, heart-shaped goodness on sale?" I said.
"Hmm," Terry said, and tugged her afghan up to her chin.
Since 1577, chocolate's been linked to a whole host of medicinal benefits, including as part of balm for infections with parasitic worms in the 1800s. More recently, researchers discovered eating caramelized chocolate even serves as a mosquito repellent.
Chocolate's chock full of crazy goodness.
Various studies over the last 30 years prove that chocolate -- especially dark chocolate -- lowers blood pressure, checks keeps blood sugar, reduces some cancer risks, keeps inflammation down, acts as a cough suppressant, increases blood flow to the brain to improve memory and computing skills, replaces some cardio exercises, is a weight-loss agent (no, really!), actually is an aphrodisiac, and just plain makes you feel better.
"See how much I love you!" I said after reciting the litany of chocolate wonders. But Terry had fallen asleep. She really is good at camouflaging her anticipation.
Me, I can barely stand the wait till Feb. 15. I'm thinking of getting a discounted Valentine's Day card, too. When Terry sees me coming home with all this thoughtfulness, I bet she won't be able to hide her excitement anymore.
— Send condolences -- and chocolate -- to Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.