There are some conversations in life that people avoid because they’re uncomfortable. As farmers, we do hard things every single day. We face uncertainty. We make tough calls. We do what it takes to keep going. But too often, we avoid one of the hardest — and most important — things we can do — planning for what happens next.

Talking about what happens when you’re gone … who gets what … what’s fair… what keeps a farm or business going — those aren’t easy discussions. In fact, they’re some of the hardest conversations a family can have. But avoiding them doesn’t make them go away. It just passes the burden on to the people you love most.

My family is living that reality right now.

We recently lost my grandpa. What should have been a time to grieve, remember and honor his life has instead been filled with stress, legal challenges, incredibly difficult decisions — and honestly — a lot of anger.

Like many farm families, our situation isn’t just about possessions — it’s about land, legacy and a way of life that has been built over generations.

For as long as I can remember, my parents cared for and used a piece of farmland that had been in our family for generations. There were conversations about what would happen someday — my mom made offers to my grandfather to purchase the land — which were not accepted because “it’ll be yours someday.” It wasn’t until last year that our fears really came to a head. The decisions my parents made regarding their farm future were suddenly unclear and not guaranteed

As my grandpa’s health declined, circumstances around him began to change. A new (and not good) influence inserted herself deeper into his life, decisions were made without family awareness and control over important matters shifted quickly. By the time we realized the extent of those changes, it was too late to have the conversations that should have happened years before. It was something we are certain my grandpa even recognized at the end, but it was too late.

And that’s where things become incredibly difficult. What’s been even harder than the legal process is what this situation has done to our family. When there isn’t a clear plan — and when outside influences step into deeply personal decisions — it can create confusion, division and mistrust almost overnight. We’ve seen relationships strained in ways we never expected. Family members questioning each other. People being pulled in different directions. Information is being shared selectively — or not at all. And individuals stepping into roles and decisions that the family just can’t understand.

In our case, someone from outside the immediate family became heavily involved in my grandpa’s affairs during a vulnerable time. Decisions were influenced, access was gained, and communication with the rest of the family who typically helped him take care of matters, was suddenly controlled. What’s even more difficult is watching how quickly that kind of influence can shift dynamics — creating tension where there once was trust, and putting family members and friends at odds with one another. This isn’t just about documents or assets. It’s about how quickly a lack of clear planning and communication can open the door for division.

And unfortunately, we’re learning that this isn’t an isolated situation. There are people who, intentionally or not, insert themselves into these moments of vulnerability — especially when someone is grieving, aging, ill, or alone — and begin to take on roles that should belong to the family. That’s a hard reality to face, but it’s one of which people need to be aware.

Families also need to be aware of how quickly trust can be misplaced during difficult seasons. When someone becomes closely involved in personal, financial or legal matters, it’s critical to ensure there is transparency, accountability and clear boundaries. These decisions should never be made in isolation or without the knowledge of those who will be most affected.

Here’s the truth: Farm transition planning is not easy. Deciding how to pass on land, equipment, or a business — especially when not every child is involved — is complicated. It can feel uncomfortable. It can create tension. And yes, it can lead to hurt feelings. But avoiding those decisions doesn’t prevent the hurt. It often multiplies it. Because when there’s no clear plan — or when plans aren’t reviewed and updated — things can change quickly. And the people left behind are the ones who carry the weight of figuring it all out.

If you take anything from our experience, let it be this: Have the conversations. Be clear about your wishes. Put a plan in place. Work with professionals who understand farm transition planning and can help you do it right. Life changes — families grow, relationships shift, priorities evolve. Your plan should reflect that. Review it regularly. Keep communication open. Make sure what’s written down still aligns with what you truly want.

And if you’re on the other side of it — watching things unfold in real time — don’t stay quiet. Looking back, there are things we wish we had done differently. We should have asked more direct questions. We should have pushed for those hard conversations, even when it felt uncomfortable. We should have brought everyone to the table sooner and had clear, honest discussions as a family. We should have encouraged more transparency around decisions that were being made. We should have made sure multiple people were involved in important conversations — not just one voice. We should have paid closer attention when things started to feel off instead of assuming everything would work itself out. And we should have had professionals involved earlier — before decisions were made, not after we were left trying to untangle them. None of that is easy to do, especially when you’re trying to respect someone you love. But staying silent doesn’t protect the situation — it often allows it to escalate. Being proactive may feel uncomfortable in the moment, but it is far less painful than dealing with the consequences later.

In Ohio, resources like the Ohio Farm Transition Network, supported by Ohio State University Extension, Ohio Farm Bureau, Nationwide and industry partners, are there to help guide families through these conversations. Use them. Don’t leave your family in a position where they have to untangle the mess during a time of grief.

Have the hard conversations now. Protect your farm. Protect your family. Protect your legacy.

Orahood is the organization director at Ohio Farm Bureau Federation for Ashtabula, Geauga, Lake and Trumbull counties.