Same old same old? That’s just fine at 50

July 29, 2018

As I nicked an age spot on my leg while shaving it the other morning (it stopped bleeding four minutes ago, BTW), I let out a heavy sigh. “Man! Same one as Monday, ding dang it!” I thought aloud to my bathroom mirror reflection, which looked back at me and replied: “The good news is you’re not completely inept. That is NOT the same spot you nearly ripped off with your Lady Bic. The bad news is, a brand new age spot popped up right next to it.” After getting over the irony of sprouting a “new” age spot overnight (isn’t that an oxymoron?), I started to ponder all that ...

What NOT to say to a soon-to-be empty-nester

July 22, 2018

In 2016, it wasn’t as prevalent in my life. It only occurred quarterly, I’d say. Last year, it was becoming more regular — monthly, at the very least. By January 2018 it was definitely weekly. And now? Multiple times a day. Every single day. Without fail. No, I’m not talking about the frequency of my restroom breaks, misplaced cell phone searches or antacid intake — although I very well could be. #Fifty I speak, of course, about the dreaded “empty-nester” reference from family members, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and, um, some random dude who read my ...

Let’s try love lessons of the canine variety

July 15, 2018

As I pulled into my driveway after work the other day, I paused. I waited. I watched. This is what I always do. Because every day when she is outside at my arrival, without fail, my 7-year-old Boxer Monnie will slowly lift herself from her carefully-selected sunning spot in our yard, toss her head fervently side to side in a frothy shake that spatters the siding with spittle and then warmly welcome me home. And when I say “welcome me,” I mean waltz leisurely back and forth, in front of my running car — several times. It’s like a little game we play. Except that I hate this ...

Open letter to ‘stupid’ boy, from Mama Kimerer

July 8, 2018

ter than 90 MPH Last Tuesday Night, Hello. You don’t know me. You likely never will. But I know you — sorta. And watching you zip past me on the highway at what I’m estimating was about 96 miles per hour gave me some good insight, yo. You didn’t see me — or the man you nearly clipped on your right as you zig-zagged between lanes. He threw up a hand at you, which you, of course missed, being just a distant blur by then. Not that you would have caught a glimpse of either of us since when you and I arrived at the exit ramp (AT THE SAME TIME!), you were busy texting. If ...

Fighting through the funk to get to the funny

June 24, 2018

I feel so badly for folks with no sense of humor. I mean, to never see the funny in everyday situations? #BummerExistence Like my Pop always says, “That’s a heckuva way to go through life.” Pop doesn’t say heck. I digress. Granted, sometimes you have to seek out humor. Like, under the covers. Or in a ditch. Or buried deep within the Marian Trench. That’s the deepest spot on earth, according to geology.com. It’s in the Pacific Ocean and lies 36,070 feet below sea level, in case you didn’t know. #IDidnt Hilarity can hide well. Like, on the morning that you open a ...

Some things need Dad’s rough-and-tumble touch

June 17, 2018

To be clear, there is no one on planet Earth who loves you like your Mother. Period. I know it sounds like I’m advocating on behalf of my kind, but that’s simply not the case. Rather, I’m basing my theory on the example of my own Mom. She is the quintessential mother. Look, I’m sorry for all y’all that my siblings and I scooped up the absolute cream of the crop in the Mom Department. To add a cherry to that cream, I’ve got the best bonus mum in the wide world as well. Rather greedy of me, I know. #LoveYouMom&Pat That being said, Dad is no slouch either. I know I have ...