Why is everybody always picking on me?

September 9, 2018

It’s not a competition, really. More of a compare-and-contrast type of situation. I mean, I’m not better than him. He’s not above me. Truth be told, I’ve lived my whole life feeling sorry for the poor little guy, what with all of his very public humiliations and all. Turns out we are kindred spirits, he and I. We actually have more in common than I like to admit, though I will. Sigh. For instance, we are both pretty old. I mean he was born in 1948 and I came along a mere two decades later. He has weird hair. Me, too. His staunch belief of the good in people often ...

Sticking together through all — even ‘Live: PD’

September 2, 2018

After the first two decades or so of living with another human, you tend learn a few things; even if only through osmosis. And, 23 years ago today, I started living with this really cute, really sweet, really fun guy. It was after we got hitched on a perfectly sunny-and-75 late summer morning, just to be clear. We liked it so much, we did it again six years later. #TwoDifferentChurches #WeAreStuckWithEachOtherForSure I digress. Anyway, I’ve picked up on some stuff in the past two-plus decades of cohabitating with a boy (well, two of them, after the fifth year). I think ...

Tips to college secrets that nobody tells

August 26, 2018

There are so many things that people don’t tell you about moving your kid to college. Make no mistake that there are a plethora of things people DO tell you. Many are true and spot-on. Others, not so much. But what about that whole host of things that people fail to mention? Little details such as, for instance: You will have to call the moving truck rental company 87 times and wait on hold for about three days to find out, yes, it’s fine to drop it off wherever. Oh, BTW, that’s AFTER you pay the $89 for the little $40 unit — before taxes and insurance, natch. They should ...

Wizards cast disgusting spells in world of retail

August 19, 2018

Can you believe that I recently had a close encounter with some of the antagonists from Harry Potter’s world? There they were, four legit wicked wizards. And I didn’t even have to travel to Hogwarts to find them. Apparently, they hang their cloaks at the local mall. The sightings occurred in a store the other evening as I was buying dorm supplies for Kyle. And when I say dorm supplies, I mean a new pair of walking shorts and some cologne, yo. (See this space soon for a full dorm room report in the heart-rending novella about me leaving my kid at college. #Totally FreakingOut. I ...

I’m a Walkman girl in an ear bud world

August 12, 2018

It all started innocently enough a few days ago. I was having an INXS concert in my ears... well, in office while I whittled away on a press release. The concert came via my Amazon music library on my iPhone and made possible via my ear buds. Sorta. You see, they kept falling out of what are clearly grotesquely enlarged and hideously misshapen ears. I can never get those little buggers to stay in. And YES, I am putting them in the designated ear but that doesn’t matter. They still won’t stick. Stupid, big old awkward Patty ears. Hmpf. I quickly became irritated at the ...

Life lessons learned from one angry bird

August 5, 2018

Remember Foghorn Leghorn? Man, I always loved him. He’s my pop’s favorite, too. He’s that arrogant cartoon rooster from the Looney Toons series. You know, the good old Southern boy squawker who quips stuttering one-liners chock full of sarcasm and hilarious similes and metaphors. They are entirely offensive and politically incorrect, BTW. And other than his horrendous treatment of the poor, long-suffering Barnyard Dawg, whom he loves to mercilessly tease and even wallop on occasion, I do find the faux fowl uproariously funny. Especially when he’s taking the brilliant, ...