It seems Mother Nature is upset with us

June 10, 2018

As a child, especially an adult child, sometimes you have to offer your Mother a heartfelt apology. You know how it is, no matter how old you are, you cannot stand the thought of having her upset with you or, even worse, giving you the cold shoulder. And hands. And feet. And, well, everything else. Wait, you don’t think I’m talking about my actual Ma, do you? Heavens no, she is a saint on the earth. #LoveYouMom No, no. I speak in the metaphorical sense about that imaginary matriarch of the third rock from the sun. You know, Mother Nature. Because, I’m not sure if any of the ...

It was then that I forgot how to breathe

June 3, 2018

I’m not sure if this has ever happened to any of you, but I recently forgot how to breathe. No, I didn’t lose consciousness because I got punched in the chest by some rowdy Golden State Warriors fan after I popped off about what a dork Draymond Green is, though they does sound a lot like me. Hmm. And no, I was not choking on an oversized bite of 14-layer chocolate cake. However, if you’ve got to be struggling with foodstuff, I don’t see why you wouldn’t choose that kind of delectable delight as your edible Everest, right? But for one brief moment the other day as I ...

Tomorrow is Memorial Day — remember?

May 27, 2018

It’s not that I won’t wear a pair of red, white and blue flip-flops tomorrow. I’ve run more than my share of Memorial Miles or Memorial Day 5Ks, trust me. Listen, I’m all about that last Monday in May being the unofficial kickoff of summer ... a “skip” day from work and school. But the national holiday now known as Memorial Day, or Decoration Day, is a federal holiday in the United States of America for one reason and one reason only — to remembering the people who died while serving in the country’s armed forces. And so, in honor of those who gave all so we could ...

Hail the royal princess, er, dudette bride

May 20, 2018

At this writing, the wedding of the decade has yet to occur. #RoyalWedding2018 The whole world seems to be obsessed with Prince Harry marrying Meghan Markle. Oops, by now, I suppose that they are officially the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. At least, that’s what most royal watchers assumed Queen Elizabeth would dub them on their wedding day. She gives princes additional labels when they wed; actually, she gets the priest to work it into the vows somehow. Those crazy royals. They’re just so picky about who they’ll call a princess or a royal highness, now aren’t they? It’s all ...

Mum, Mommy, Ma, Mother, Mama — MOM!

May 13, 2018

It was a scene from the politically incorrect animated series “Family Guy” that became a TV promo for the show that morphed into an online GIF that ultimately sprouted as a ring tone. I only know the lattermost because my niece Alexis selected it as the customized sound for my sister-in-law Kim’s calls to her for quite a while. Heck, it still might be squawking out every time Kim rings up Al. #LMKGirls I digress. The scene in question has baby Stewie (a genius toddler who’s intent on killing his mother, Lois; I told you it was twisted) standing beside Lois, who is sitting ...

Humans become teachers of habit

May 5, 2018

I always know when my Monnie needs a nap. She, like so many other dogs, thrice circles around a certain location on the carpet (preferably within the rays of a sunbeam) and then curls up into a big old ring of paws, ears and one unusually oversized tongue. #BoxerProblems But regardless of the specific spot where she ultimately plops, the loop-de-loop maneuver always occurs three times. Always. Enthusiasts and students of the wild often wax scientific about such animal behavior. In fact, various canine experts (many of whom are self-anointed, natch) will give you a scientific ...