Plus fries? That’ll be $917 at Window 2

October 21, 2018

I know that convenience doesn’t come without a price. Need something from Waterford Crystal overnight for a Saturday wedding ’cause you got sidetracked and never grabbed the vase at the mall and now it is out of stock? #ItHappens You can drive 10 1/2 hours, round trip (assuming you can get there before close) to Thurmond, W.Va. (population 6, BTW). Or you can just priority overnight that sucker, which is cool, except it’s quintuple what you would have paid a paltry 48 hours later. Rats. Or maybe you must have a copy of a certain textbook for tomorrow’s midterm? Hmm. Well, ...

My image of Denver has gone up in smoke

October 14, 2018

Well, Toto, it certainly wasn’t a trip to Kansas. Or Oz, either, although I’m pretty sure they have their own version of the Lollipop Guild there. Hmm. Nope, it was a quick weekend getaway to the Mile High City. (Note: That second word is a hint to the type of suckers commonly found in Denver, FYI. Man, the vote to legalize marijuana there must have been a landslide, you dig?) It all started with a morning flight from Cleveland. I’d already taken off my shoes and Garmin band when it happened. I walked under the security X-ray arch and … “Warning, Will Robinson! ...

Was R.E.M. right, as we know it, in ’87?

October 7, 2018

Maybe it’s because one of my favorite television programs, AMC’s spooky sci-fi drama “The Walking Dead,” returns from it’s LONG midseason break tonight. #TWD Or maybe it’s because, within the first few episodes of its resumption, TWD will promptly kill off its main character, Rick Grimes. I’m so salty over this, as my niece Kelly always says. I may have mentioned once or twice or eight bazillion times that, in the big scheme of Hollywood crushes, Andrew Lincoln (who plays Rick) is my mammoth — second only to my ultimate dreamboat, Robert Downey Jr. (For the record, ...

It’s just not nice to be kind, apparently

September 30, 2018

I’m sure you have seen it. It’s that commercial for KIND brand nutrition bars that opens with the voiceover: “Some people confuse nice with kind.” It goes on to promote the “virtues” of their nature snack as opposed to synthetic shortcomings in the ingredients of other brands. Either way, I think the statement itself is fairly accurate. Oh, as an aside for you young folks without traditional TV or sports / binge-series watchers who record shows then rush through them like Han Solo ducking the Imperial Fleet at hyper-speed, the commercials are the little :30 and :60 ...

From noble beginnings comes royal klutz

September 23, 2018

Sure, I am aware that the name Patricia is derived from Old English and means “noble.” I might argue that the root source could and should, in fact, be traced to Emerald Isle origins. I’m Irish, sue me. Lest we forget that the original ruling class in ancient Rome (my other half!) was called “the patricians.” How is it that a gal named so regally and with theoretical, if not frayed, decaying ties to aristocracy can be such a colossal klutz? I mean, someone who falls, walks into stationary objects and generally just bumbles her way through the day should not have so royal ...

We’re taking creative license on our driver’s licenses

September 16, 2018

There is an old joke about having a life goal to someday weigh as much as it says I do on my driver’s license. I am an old girl, so I know a lot of old jokes. #50 Either way, the average homo sapien stretches the boundaries of truth when it comes to certain DL declarations. In fact, we should all be required to take a polygraph when answering some of the questions at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles ’cause it’s clear we are taking some creative license in that place, yo. Okay, fine, we are telling big fat lies. Let’s start with that obvious first one: the weight box. I’m ...