An open letter to those not freezing to death in Ohio

November 17, 2019

An open letter to my family members and friends who live in snow-free locations: Hello! I hope this note finds you well and happy. Gosh, who can believe we’re almost done with 2019. It’s been another whirlwind year at Casa Kimerer! Say, as a special favor in the spirit of the impending holiday season, I was wondering if I could bother you to please not speak to me until mid-May of 2020? That’d be so great, thanks. For real, though. Those of you who hang your hats in Tennessee — or any other warm-climate locale — may have missed it but your frozen friends up north? ...

College life is good for the kid, but not so good for mom

November 10, 2019

It’s such a huge adjustment, really; going from high school to college. I mean, the move alone is a major modification to life as you know it. Everything you knew before of regular old existence at the homestead is turned completely upside down, physically and, you know, in the feels. Some take to it more quickly than others. For example, I’ve heard of certain contingents of humans who make the transition early in year one, or, if not, certainly by the time the first semester of sophomore year begins the next autumn. Stupid well-adjusted, overachieving mutants. ...

Everything I need to know, Elle Woods taught me

October 26, 2019

Everything I need to know, I learned from “Legally Blonde.” Well, not really. To be fair, I’ve gone down this path before with some of my OTHER all-time fave flicks, including, “Moonstruck,” “Shawshank Redemption” and “Shrek.” Yes, “Shrek.” It’s surprisingly insightful; only an ogre would disagree. Either way. “Legally Blonde” may not be my actual life road map but it’s certainly a handy compass in a pinch. I do LOVE this film to the point of watching it EVERY SINGLE TIME I come across a broadcast of it on some random cable network. In case ...

Apparently, old chicks get crabby about stuff

October 20, 2019

After glancing down the other day, it occurred to me the life I’d known to that point, had ceased to exist. There they were. Live, in Technicolor and unmistakable — my grandma’s ankles. Gulp. I’m not sure why, but I remember what they looked like. Strange. I just recall looking at my tiny Grandma one day (I bet she never weighed more than a buck and change), seeing her bony, vein-riddled ankles and thinking, “Aw, poor little old Grammi! Those must hurt!” Turns out, she may not have been as old as I thought she was back then ... and by the by, yes, yes they do. ...

Cursing and now curing the cursive curse

October 13, 2019

My friend’s second-grader isn’t learning it yet — but I guess that’s not odd since my other pal’s kids didn’t hear about it from their teachers until the third grade. But even then, the entire lesson lasted for the equivalent of like, oh, I don’t know, three periods or so. Um, out of the entire school year. Grrr. My sister really started this whole conversation a few weeks ago by casually mentioning that she is teaching her nephew (on her husband’s side) to write in cursive. It’d have been an adorable story — if he was four. He’s 14. He’s a freshman in high ...

Out of all nicknames to be called, mom is best

September 29, 2019

I’ve been called many things in my life. Several of which are unfit to print … or even post to social media … or speak in front of your priest. But that was mostly when I was little and sparring with my sister, Gina. Okay fine, when I was getting whooped on by her, whatever. Poh-TAY-toh, poh-TOT-toh. And during those sessions it wasn’t anything completely vile so much as it was, kid mean. You know, the typical silly-fight name-calling type of thing: jerk face; dummy; dog breath; piff brain; air head. Yes, though my given name is Patricia I’ve beheld many nicknames in my ...