“Think thin” is more than an old catchphrase. Researchers in Australia say dieters lose five times as much weight by visualizing themselves slender. That sounds a lot easier than huffing through crunches, puffing through laps and grunting refusals of seconds. This is mind over matter. And ...

I’m moving to Oregon. Or possibly Arizona. But I’ll bypass Louisiana and Oklahoma. I base my relocation plans on the vital “Top Halloween Candy by State” interactive map posted at CandyStore.com. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups rank No. 1 in Oregon, followed by M&M’s and candy ...

Other than husbandese, I do not speak a foreign language. (I hadn’t considered husbandese a foreign language until I saw the consternation that crossed my wife’s face whenever I tried to explain a simple concept — such as how my socks ended up next to cheese in the refrigerator.) I ...

Editor’s note: Cole, a known goof-off, is on vacation. From what, we’re not sure. But he claims he’ll come back with all sorts of fresh column ideas. We’ll see. Until then, enjoy this Cole Classic originally published May 14, 2006. I believe in ghosts. What else could explain how so ...

My whole career revolves around playing with words. Wordplay is a time-honored tradition honed by such smiths as William Shakespeare, P.J. Wodehouse, Lewis Carroll, A.A. Milne and Vince Rozmiarek. The first four of those guys are famous authors. That fifth one — Rozmiarek — is a volunteer ...

Ah, September, that fantastic month. And there are more reasons to celebrate than the average calendar tells you. For one, September is my birthday month, but the only calendar I’ve seen that written on is the one on my mom’s refrigerator. What else makes September great? Here’s a ...

As melting butter soaked into the warm softness, I gazed into my wife’s eyes and cooed, “These biscuits are marvelous.” “Rolls,” she said. “They’re dinner rolls.” “Mmbbglpleooomp,” I said as I chewed on either a biscuit or a roll or whatever. She pushed away from the ...

There’s an old, battered recipe box on my desk. It’s crammed with index cards, torn strips of newspaper and scraps of scribbled paper. These are odd thoughts I’ve scrawled in the middle of the night and silly stories that tickled my funny bone. When I’m running low on laughs, I rummage ...

I read the other day that people born from the mid-1990s to the early 2000s — today’s young adults — cannot fathom a world before the internet, cellphones and instant entertainment. They are Generation Z. Most likely, you will find them with their noses melded to a digital screen. I do ...

Today’s column was going to be brilliant. I laughed out loud at the silly thought that popped into my mind. I sprinted through the house to relay the hilarity to Terry. “Oh, there you are,” she said. “What was the date of your cousin’s wedding?” “It’s, uh...” I sighed and ...

Occasionally, someone asks me how I’ve managed to write a column every week for the last 25 years. Usually, that person is an insomniac hoping to be bored to sleep. “Panic,” I answer before he can drift off. “Panic and deadlines. And a good disaster.” It’s the deadline thing that ...

Octopuses — or possibly octopi — came from outer space. That’s the word from 33 scientists who postulated their octopus ponderings in the March issue of “Progress in Biophysics and Molecular Biology.” My wife, Terry, has another theory — octopuses are spiders that fell into the ...

Remember those first essay assignments of the school year? Teachers tried to ease us kids back into the classroom drudgery by assigning us to write how we spent our summer vacation. It was the very topic most of us jabbered about right up to the ringing of the class bell. Now our minds were as ...

I miss telephone books. They could level a chair with a short leg, help little kids sit tall enough to join the big people’s table at Thanksgiving, and they’d swat flies like nobody’s business. The coolest thing of all — they were chock-full of phone numbers. Or turn to the Yellow ...

Aesop was confused. The guy credited with cooking up a Crock-Pot full of fables packed with wisdom couldn’t make up his mind. The sages who followed did little to untangle the wacky webs he weaved. We’re left with dueling nuggets like these: Look before you leap, but he who hesitates is ...

Researchers at The Ohio State University offered advice last week on how to turn old and boring into exciting and new. Get weird. They worded it a bit more scholarly than that, but weird is what they meant. For example, they suggest eating popcorn — a known and habitual hand food — with ...

Walking, I suppose, is a wonderful workout. Also, I can’t afford to fill my gas tank. According to the annoying herd of health cranks, walking’s good for you. Really good. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, my-oh-my-what-a-wonderful-day good. I’d jump in the car and speed away from these exuberant ...

Giddiness set in every time Mom bought a new box of Quaker oats. Not for the cereal. I was an Alpha-Bits kind of guy, myself. It was for the box. Back then, rolled oats came in a big cardboard tube. With strings, crayons and a wooden spoon, Quaker Oats boxes converted into great tom-toms. ...

I don’t know why the dishes have to be washed first. Why can’t we leave home without them being out of the sink? It’s frustrating. Or maybe it’s just being a guy. We established days ahead of time that to make our appointment, we needed to leave the house by 8 a.m. The night before, ...

Lately, people have mistaken me for someone with wisdom. I don’t know why. I think it’s the beard. When one’s beard is snowy white, and his hair is well on its way to matching, people tend to think, “Now there’s a guy who’s been around for, like, a million years. He must have ...