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Burton Cole column

Young’uns don’t have a clue about music: Eagles rock

At first, it was a joy to watch those “First Time Hearing” videos in which hosts listen to decades-old pop music. It warmed my heart to see young adults blown away by how good the music from my generation sounds. But the more I binge-watched the YouTube videos, the more depression rolled ...

Snipes, cow tipping and cousin Ollie combine for crazy danger

We’d only been up the tree for 20 minutes that spring day decades ago, but with the bull snorting beneath us, it already felt like 20 hours. “When do you think he’ll get bored and go away?” I asked cousin Ollie, who lounged on the next limb over. Ollie studied the monstrous creature ...

Do I need sunglasses, a wool hat or a raincoat?

It’s spring! I think. The calendar says spring dawned March 30, but I have awakened to snow and winter coats quite a few days this April. Mixed between them are afternoons of shirtsleeves and sunshine. As the great philosopher Mark Twain once said, “In the spring, I have counted 136 ...

In sickness and in health, and you better not be faking it

I’m positive my wife violated a wedding vow. It’s that one about pampering me in sickness and health. “The word ‘pampering’ wasn’t there,” Terry claims. All that vow requires, according to her opinion, is to love me even when I’m not faking the 24-hour bubonic plague to get ...

You ninny of a varmint, put creativity into insults

Insults have lost their charm. The world would be a less angry place if we laced our crass with class. It’s hard to chuff when you’re chuckling. Bertie Wooster of PG Wodehouse’s Wooster and Jeeves novels didn’t sink to plebian put-downs like “idgit” or “stupid-head.” His ...

The one you want to annoy for the rest of your life

Sheba studied us as we hung up our coats in the church foyer. “Did you notice,” she said to my wife, “that guys hang their clothes facing right, but we hang ours facing left?” Terry nodded. “Why is that? I can’t get Burt to hang things in the right direction.” Randy, Sheba’s ...