DEAR ANNIE: I need some serious help. Our son, 36, has been married for three years. In May 2024, our daughter-in-law became pregnant. We were elated. She is a nice young woman, but she does have some anxiety and other issues, which have taken a rather turbulent turn.

Unfortunately, the change in hormones and other unfounded fears caused her to go off the deep end. I have received hundreds and hundreds of texts saying hateful, offensive things to me.

Today, our granddaughter, “Janie,” is 15 months and a gem, but we have been limited to when and where we can see her. Our son is providing the child care, as she had the better job.

Our DIL for some reason believes we are the worst in-laws ever and that we do nothing for her or Janie. We paid for their wedding, rehearsal dinner and honeymoon in the Bahamas for 10 days. Prior to the wedding, they lived in the apartment over our garage for over two years — free rent, free utilities, etc.

She refuses to take any mental health medication.

We don’t want to have anything to do with her anymore. Our son is trying to get employment again, but it’s hard after having been a stay-at-home father for over a year. We want to see our granddaughter, but not at the expense of my mental health. Our DIL will not allow our son to bring Janie over to our home, which is just an hour and a half away.

I don’t know who else to turn to. I never thought this would be my life as a grandmother.

Her constant poor treatment of me personally is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. Yes, our son has met with an attorney, which we paid for as well. He so wants it to work for Janie’s sake, but I think he’s better off with a divorce.

— So Tired of the Abuse

DEAR SO TIRED: Your daughter-in-law’s behavior is not something you can fix. Whether it stems from anxiety, postpartum struggles or something deeper, she has to be willing to seek help. You cannot argue her into reason, and you certainly shouldn’t absorb “hundreds and hundreds” of abusive messages.

As for your son, he is an adult and must chart his own course. It’s understandable that you believe divorce may be the answer, but that decision belongs to him.

You need to protect Janie, and that doesn’t mean waging war with her mother. Simply be a steady and safe presence for her. (If you ever have reason to believe Janie is unsafe or neglected, that’s a different matter.)

As for your own well-being, draw a firm, quiet line with your daughter-in-law. No good comes from being someone else’s punching bag.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.