DEAR ANNIE: I have been married to my wife for 25 years, and overall, we have a strong, trusting relationship. But something happened recently that I cannot seem to shake, and it has been gnawing at me more than I would like to admit.

My wife’s best friend’s husband, whom I will call “Charlie,” came to her with a very strange request. He told her that a mutual acquaintance of his, “Carl,” a man with a reputation as a ladies’ man, had asked him to approach my wife on his behalf and see if she would be interested in going out with him. According to my wife, she told Charlie that she was absolutely not interested, and later she relayed the whole story to me.

On the surface, I should feel reassured. She did not hide anything from me, and she was clear that she was not interested. Still, I could not help but notice that she seemed a little flattered and maybe even intrigued by the whole thing, even if she laughed it off. Now I find myself wondering if that seed, once planted, might start to grow in her mind.

I do not want to be unfair. My wife has never given me reason not to trust her. But I cannot seem to get this situation out of my head. The idea of another man, especially a known flirt like Carl, trying to insert himself into our marriage makes me angry and unsettled. And as for Charlie, I am struggling with how to view him now. What kind of husband and friend would agree to put forward such a request to another man’s wife, even as a messenger?

Am I overreacting? Should I let this go and trust that my wife meant what she said, or do I need to address my lingering discomfort? And what, if anything, should I say to Charlie?

— Uneasy Husband

DEAR UNEASY: You are not overreacting, but you are letting your imagination run away with you. The good news here is that your wife told you about it and shut it down. That should tell you where her heart is. Feeling flattered when someone shows interest is a perfectly normal human reaction. It does not mean she is going to act on it.

As for Charlie, his behavior was way out of line. A married man has no business delivering that kind of message to another man’s wife. If he thought it was a joke, it was a poor one. If he was serious, he showed terrible judgment and disrespect toward both you and his own wife. The next time you see him, you can be civil but keep your distance. He is not the kind of friend you need.

The real key here is not to let this fester in silence. Tell your wife how it made you feel. Do it calmly and without accusation. A good marriage is built on trust and communication, and after 25 years, you have already proven you can lean on both. Let Carl and Charlie go play their games elsewhere. You and your wife have better things to do.

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