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Patty Kimerer column

Land of the freaks and home of the bickersons

Thank God it’s February. I mean that. Really, really a lot. Why does January seem to last for 4 1/2 months? Maybe it’s not that way for everyone, say especially for those who live in regions where January’s weather is not abominable. Then again, this year, the list of states that maintained warm temperatures throughout January was, um, Hawaii, I think? #brrrrrrrr But for most of us here in the lower 48, January is just one extremely long, painful holiday hangover, no? I guess it must just be the combination of readjusting to full work weeks and the miserable weather, which ...

Last one to sleep is a rotten Pedi Egg

You know the best thing about having insomnia? Yeah, OK, there really isn’t a BEST thing about it. According to the National Sleep Foundation, insomnia or the inability to fall or stay asleep is a bona fide health ailment impacting nearly 40 percent of Americans every year. More women than men seem to be plagued by it. #notsurprised Well, of the ones who reported it, anyway. The others may well have been napping during the survey. #ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Either way, apparently it can be caused by a myriad of medical conditions such as nasal / sinus allergies, acid reflux or chronic ...

The other day I learned that someone recently accused me of being too nice. As I heard it, the comment went a little something like this: “Patty Kimerer, oh, she’s nice — like, maybe a little too nice, you know what I mean? Come on, no one can be that nice all the time.” Hmm. I think my husband might disagree that I’m kind 24/7, 365, you dig? Heck, I can be downright crummy on occasion. In fact, there have been a few days in the last week alone when I actually pondered calling someone a snotface. So there! I didn’t actually do it. But I thought about it good and ...

Holiday hangover depression during January

Hi. How’s it going? Sunday starting off OK, is it? Good, good. I just want to ease into today’s effort with you all. No pressure. No criticism. No judgment. OK, maybe a little pressure. Because — and I’m approaching this in the meekest, most benign and empathetic manner I can muster — I can no longer refrain from comment. It is January flipping 14th. The holidays are over. Done. Finito. It is time to take down the Christmas decorations. Now. Like, as soon as you finish drinking your coffee and checking the Sports page, you dig? It’s the middle of January, for ...

Last call, everybody … for 2017, by the way

It’s last call … for 2017, anyway. As with most years, it was both good and bad. Happy and sad. In 2017, both joyous and horrific things happened. The 45th president of the United States was sworn in. Natural disasters seemed to take on wicked new depth and force. Women marched, NFL players kneeled. Terror reared its ugliness and love and hope responded in the form of victim aid. Rock music legends Tom Petty and Chris Cornell passed away. Both Mr. and Mrs. George Clooney and Mr. and Mrs. Shawn Corey Carter (aka Beyonce and Jay Z) had a set of twins. In other words, 365 more ...

Moore Clement robbing, courtesy of poetess PK

As always, it’s time for my unabashed bootlegging of Clement C. Moore’s Christmas poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas” — better known as “’Twas the Night before Christmas” — a la PK, obvi. #wink ‘Twas four days before Christmas When all through my brain Manic thoughts were a ’racing Like a speeding freight train. Did I get enough presents? Did I buy ample drink? If my prep work was a boat It was starting to sink. Between school, swim and work I was in several directions. And each area of focus Was one of great affection! I’d been spreading ...