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Burton Cole column

Where do lost things go to not be found?

“Where does the other sock go when you put two in the dryer but only one comes out?” “I have a book that explains that,” I told my visitor as I scanned my bookcase. But the book wasn’t there. “That’s funny. I was just leafing through it a couple of days ago. Or was that last month?” I rifled through a stack of books, papers and cereal boxes stacked against the wall. “It was right here.” I dug through my travel bag. Peeked under the end table. Peered into the refrigerator. You never know. Strange things have appeared in my fridge before. “It’s not ...

Rainy days and Saturdays always get me drippy thoughts

I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. It was Saturday and I sat on my apartment balcony watching the rain. We’ve had so much rain. Rain and more rain. Soggy thoughts swished around my brain. I wondered, if rain falls on a town, and there’s no one to sit on a balcony to watch it, would the rain still be wet? Hey, I didn’t say I thought great thoughts, nor even well-thought-out thoughts. What’s splashing around up there are just the thoughts of a guy who’s parked his brain in neutral and his seat on a padded chair to watch the rain. The rain tapered. I snaked ...

Future colonel infiltrates Churchill Downs

It’s Kentucky Derby week, which reminds me, it’s time to get back to my plan — not to take over the world. Oh, no. I’m aiming to be crowned a Kentucky Colonel. My quest began last year when this farm boy from northeast Ohio wandered into the bluegrass wilds of Kentucky. “I’ll take you to Thurby,” said my friend Wendy, who lives in Louisville. “Thurby is the Thursday before the Kentucky Derby. It’s for the locals to enjoy before those hordes of foreigners from other states come crashing through.” “So, Thurby is the day for ragamuffins like me to show ...

Shh! I’m watching the black-and-white static

I do not have TV service hooked up in my apartment. I have neither cable, dish nor streaming. Nor do I have rabbit ears wrapped in tin foil — but I have fond memories of such high-tech solutions. (Hey, fellow old-timers, remember smacking the side of the set to fix the vertical hold? Fun times, eh? The kids have no idea what we’re talking about.) What I do have is a hand-me-down screen, and secondhand DVD player and a couple boxes full of childhood memories. The other night, I settled in to relive Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce in the 1943 black-and-white movie “Sherlock ...

Drink upstream of the herd, and other life lessons

Years ago, when I was in the market for life lessons, I came across a run of cowboy wisdom. The wisdom included nuggets like these: • Don’t squat with your spurs on. • Always drink upstream from the herd. • Just ’cause trouble comes visiting doesn’t mean you have to offer it a place to sit down. • Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction. • An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh. My tank has been running low on intelligence lately. Some would say it was never topped ...

What’s for supper? The cap’n says it’s glop

I enjoy cooking. I’m good at baking, boiling or browning good eats. But I came home from my last grocery shopping trip with a gallon of milk, one box of Golden Grahams and one box of Reese’s Puffs. And a tube of peel-and-eat cookie dough for dessert. That’s the thing about being a widower in the kitchen — there’s no point cooking for one, not when you’ve got a buddy named Cap’n Crunch ready to sail on a sea of milk. Occasionally, I’ll get ambitious and fry eggs. I prefer sunny side up — “dippy eggs,” Terry used to call them. But I don’t dip. I love letting that ...