Folding sheets with no one fit for blame

April 5, 2025

The epiphany splatted me upside the head at the laundromat. (Being splatted by an epiphany is something like being socked by a fit, but without the frustration of being swamped by a fitted sheet.) I had just flipped open the washing machine lid to discover “snow” splattered throughout my freshly laundered dress shirts and slacks. That’s when I realized a Great Truth: When you live alone and someone leaves a tissue in their pocket, and the tissue shreds like confetti in the washing machine, the guilty party is fingered immediately, if not sooner. I groaned at the revelation, ...

Pajama tops and fruity shampoos — a chilly love story

March 29, 2025

It had been a long, tiring day. All I wanted to do was to snuggle into comfy pajamas, flop in my chair with a good (comic) book, and relax. I pulled flannel pajama bottoms from my drawer. Perfect. Then I padded, sifted and slammed through every bedroom drawer, searching for the matching top. ...

When is a junk drawer truly a junk drawer?

March 22, 2025

Dried-up rubber bands and balls of single shoelaces. Nine-volt batteries and decks of cards without any aces. Brown paper from packages with snippets of strings… These are a few of my favorite (junk drawer) things. (If you sang the above lines, I offer my apologies to you, Rodgers, ...

Never let a grownup see the boredom in your eyes

March 15, 2025

Cousin Ollie tossed down his comic book and sighed. “I’m bored.” I was in the middle of a very important panel of my Little Lulu comic. I fumbled for the empty wrapping paper tube beside me and flung it at Ollie. “Here, look for something to do through your telescope.” Back in ...

The old man and the staring at whatever he sees

March 8, 2025

I must have watched the old guy for 20 minutes, maybe more. All he did was sit at that table with his coffee and stare out the window. I couldn’t understand it. How can someone just sit for extended periods of time and do nothing but stare at something? Or nothing? I studied him for another 10 or 15 minutes. Every so often, he sipped the coffee, so I knew he was alive. He never looked at the coffee. He continued to stare out the window at… what? Not being an old man who simply sits and stares, I shifted my gaze out the window to see if I could figure out what so intrigued the ...

I’ll trade Green Stamps for an Amazon truck

March 1, 2025

Gather ’round, kiddies, and your ol’ Uncle Burtie will tell you about how we survived in the ancient days before Amazon. Oh, yes, it’s true, there was a time before Prime and FedEx trucks roamed the land. I was there. I also remember when there was no such thing as the Super Bowl, Snoop Dogg or Google. Seriously. Back in those dark days — well, not really dark because we spent a lot more time playing outdoors in the sunshine — instead of scrolling through screens and screens of shopping options, we licked sheets and sheets of S&H Green Stamps. I swear that I am not ...