Years ago, when I was in the market for life lessons, I came across a run of cowboy wisdom. The wisdom included nuggets like these:

• Don’t squat with your spurs on.

• Always drink upstream from the herd.

• Just ’cause trouble comes visiting doesn’t mean you have to offer it a place to sit down.

• Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.

• An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

My tank has been running low on intelligence lately. Some would say it was never topped off in the first place.

I’ve been trying to rustle up a new batch of life lessons. But I’m particular about the life lessons I want to learn — I don’t want to learn from my own mistakes. I’d rather learn from when others make missteps in the cow pasture.

Decades ago, folk singer Jim Croce advised me to never tug on Superman’s cape, spit into the wind nor pull the mask of that old Lone Ranger.

Those are a good start. I consulted the wisdom that other great philosophers imparted and learned:

• Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.

— Leslie Nielsen

• The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

— Will Rogers

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

— Alan Dundes

• The four most important words in any marriage: “I’ll do the dishes.” — anonymous

• A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. — Bernard Meltzer

• There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. —

Steven Wright

• If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there. — Lewis Carroll

• If you love someone, let them nap. — anonymous

• The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about. — Evan Esar

• By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. — Charles Wadsworth

• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. — Oscar Wilde

• My life feels like a test I didn’t study for. — anonymous

• The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. — Bill Murray

• You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? — Steven Wright

• Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. — Jennifer Yane

• If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative. — Woody Allen

• Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. — Richard Jeni

• Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. — anonymous

• Work is the greatest thing in the world. So, we should always save some of it for tomorrow. — Don Herold

• There are two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works. — Cowboy Words of Wisdom.

• Never miss a good opportunity to shut up. — Will Rogers

Say, that last one is pretty good advice. I believe I shall be shutting up now, Mr. Rogers. Thank you kindly. And do remember to drink upstream of the herd.

Offer more life lessons to Cole at burton.w.cole@gmail.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.