Communication is not just words spoken by one and listening by another. Communication involves body language, voice inflection, visual cues and even reading words on a page. Then add the emotional intelligence or EQ of each person, which involves managing your own emotions because of your life experiences and understanding others’ EQ with whom you are conversing.

To have this higher EQ can stop that darn defensive reaction inside your own head, which stops proper listening of the other person’s spoken word. Communication is unique to each of us as learned through a lifetime of experiences, conversations and all that is read.

Knowing this, communicating with aging parents should be treated with delicate respect and kindness. Knowing how to convey your thoughts with positivity and support makes for better results to maintain your loving relationship.

That aging person is naturally losing abilities and that personal struggle with anything that once was easy is frustrating. So instead of embarrassing the elderly, and bringing the struggle to light, offer to help instead. Figuring out a solution or an easier approach helps to maintain independence while also being mindful of the person’s strengths.

As a natural progression in the brain with aging, forgetfulness can become a problem and not necessarily the precursor to dementia. It’s not helpful to question the elderly person or your aging parent’s memory with attitude or impatience as this adds to the embarrassment or frustration factor as well.

Handle the situation with tact and patience by helping with reminders by setting up alarms or maybe post-it notes around the house. When I was younger, I found it amusing that my mother drew a picture of the doorknob position as locked and unlocked as her reminder of what the doorknob looks like when locked.

I now understand how easy that was for her to just look at the picture to indicate if the door was locked before she settled in for the night. It eased her mind.

Keep in mind in all communications, body language and tone of voice speaks louder than words. Using a kind tone and smile when providing this assistance will convey affection and support as opposed to ridicule.

Now add the complexity of dementia. The frustration for both the individual and the loved ones or caretakers needs extra care with communication. I recently attended a Dementia Live training provided by Ohio Living Home Health & Hospice agency, which spurred my interest in writing this article. Per the flyer for the event, “Dementia Live is an interactive, hands-on simulation that offers participants a glimpse into what it may feel like to live with dementia. This guided experience builds empathy and understanding of the cognitive, physical and emotional challenges individuals may face — and how we can respond with compassion. In the class, you will: Participate in a brief, safe dementia simulation to help increase empathy and awareness in addition to learning practical communication and care strategies.”

As an attendee, we wore plastic hand gloves as used by food-prep personnel with utility gloves overtop the plastic to understand the reduction of hand dexterity of the elderly. Also, we wore eye goggles to give us tunnel vision, which is how one with dementia focuses as the inability to multitask is diminished to only what is directly in the person’s view. The most impactful parts of this training were the headphones worn with a different news program in each ear with someone also giving us five separate instructions to accomplish in the room setting. So, imagine hearing CNN news in one ear, Fox News in another, having the inability to multitask or focus, and knowing you have specific tasks to get done.

An observer documented the attendees as we attempted our instructed duties. Some couldn’t get past the first task nor remembered the remaining instructions. Some over-focused on one task and couldn’t move forward on the others in the time given. The difficulty of opening a weekly pill container with the hand limitation, remembering which day’s pill was to be taken, having the news yammering in each ear resulted in that attendee taking the first pill pod that was opened because of the frustrations felt. This training was a real-feel demonstration of how someone with dementia handles daily tasks.

After the simulation, attendees learned how to communicate with a dementia patient. The need to do direct level face-to-face instruction with, of course, much patience and a calming tone was the overwhelming lesson learned for me. This means not standing above the person while the patient is sitting and also not talking to the patient from the side, but directly face-to-face. This seems common sense when giving instructions to anyone to be sure they are heard and understood, but more importantly with dementia patients.

If interested in scheduling this training, contact Lisa Schultz-Medved, LNHA of Ohio Living Home Health & Hospice of Greater Youngstown at 330-533-4350.