DEAR ANNIE: I never imagined I would be writing to you about this, but I’m at a loss and worried sick.

One of my adult sons has become deeply involved in far-right political activism. What began as strong opinions has hardened into something extreme and all-consuming. His social media is a nonstop stream of posts about the latest controversies, many of them angry. Politics now seems to define his entire identity.

It’s all he wants to discuss. Family gatherings feel tense, and I find myself walking on eggshells, afraid that a casual comment will turn into a lecture or argument. If I push back, even gently, he accuses me of being “brainwashed” or part of the problem. If I stay silent, I feel as though I’m condoning views that trouble me deeply.

I love my son. But I don’t recognize him much of the time anymore, and I worry about how isolated and consumed he seems.

How do I maintain a relationship with my child without endorsing beliefs I find disturbing? Is it possible to keep family ties intact when politics has taken over someone’s entire life?

— A Worried Mother

DEAR WORRIED MOTHER: You cannot argue your son out of these beliefs, and trying will only strengthen his sense that he’s embattled and misunderstood. Save your breath.

What you can do is set clear, calm limits. It’s fair to say, “I love you, but I won’t discuss politics.”

Make room for the parts of him that still exist outside ideology. Ask about work, hobbies and ordinary life. Extremes thrive when people are reduced to a single identity. Quiet reminders of family and belonging matter more than winning an argument.

DEAR ANNIE: I’m in my early 40s and tired of being alone. I tried online dating and got a hit.

After talking to this guy for a bit, we found out we are second cousins on my dad’s side. For context, I didn’t grow up around my dad’s family and only vaguely know them. He didn’t really grow up around them either. Neither of us carry the last name, although technically we should; our mothers didn’t give us that last name at birth.

We have continued to talk and be intimate with each other. I know it isn’t right, but I don’t want to stop. Do you have any advice for me?

— Cousins Courting

DEAR COUSINS COURTING: I hear the loneliness in your letter, and I don’t dismiss it. Wanting connection, especially after years of being alone, can make even complicated situations feel tempting. And for the record, second cousins marrying isn’t illegal or unheard of.

But the heart of your question isn’t about rules. It’s about the tension you’re living with. You say you don’t want to stop, and in the same breath you say you know this doesn’t feel right. That matters.

So the question isn’t whether you can stay. It’s whether you’re content staying in something that already gives you pause, or whether you believe that something that feels fully right is still out there for you.

You’re in your 40s. You’re not out of time, and you’re not so short on options that you can’t walk away for something else. Being alone for a while is hard. Being tangled in something you don’t feel good about is harder.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.