DEAR ANNIE: Lately, I feel like I am running everyone’s life but my own.

I work full time, I have two school-aged kids, and my husband is a good man but seems to think the house, the calendar, the social life and the emotional needs of the whole family magically manage themselves. Spoiler alert: They do not. I do.

I am the one who remembers birthdays, school picture day, permission slips, dentist appointments, what size shoes the kids wear and that his mother likes the lemon cake from the bakery across town. If I stopped reminding everyone of everything, I am pretty sure the whole operation would fall apart in about three days.

When I try to talk to my husband about it, he says things like “You should just ask for help” or “You are better at this stuff than I am.” That makes me want to scream. I don’t want to be the project manager of our home who delegates tasks. I want a real partner who notices what needs to be done without being told every single step.

I love my family. I am grateful for them. But I am exhausted, resentful and starting to feel invisible. I do not want this to turn into a constant fight, or worse, years of quiet bitterness that eats away at our marriage.

How do I get out of this role of default household manager and get my husband to truly share the mental load without turning every conversation into a battle?

— Worn Out and Fed Up

DEAR FED UP: No wonder you’re exhausted. You’re carrying the schedules, the emotions and the details for an entire household in your head. That’s not a small thing, and it’s not “just how it is.” It’s a lot.

You’re right that your husband’s response to “just ask for help” doesn’t solve the problem because you’re still the one organizing and delegating. What you’re really asking for is partnership, not favors.

Pick a calm moment to tell him that you’re burned out and you need both of you to share the load differently. Make a list together of everything that has to happen for your family to function — appointments, school emails, meals, birthdays, chores — and then divide it in a way that feels fair. When something is his, let it truly be his, reminders and all.

You’re not being demanding. You’re protecting your marriage and your sanity.

DEAR ANNIE: My husband and I are hosting a holiday party at a local bar. We are covering the cost of the space and the bartender, but guests will be buying their own drinks.

The bartender suggested we put out a small sign or jar that says something like “Tips Appreciated.” Part of me agrees, because I know how hard service workers hustle. The other part of me worries it will look tacky or like we are pressuring our guests.

My husband thinks I am overthinking it and says, “People know tipping is normal at a bar,” but I do not want anyone to feel awkward or judged if they are on a tight budget or forget cash. I also do not want to insult the bartender by asking them not to put anything out.

Is it rude or tacky to have a visible tip jar or sign at a hosted event like this, or is it simply expected these days? What is the polite way to handle tipping the bartender so everyone feels comfortable?

— Trying Not to Be Tacky

DEAR TRYING: Your husband is mostly right. In a bar where guests are buying their own drinks, a tip jar is standard, not rude. Most people expect to tip their bartender and will look for a place to do it.

If the sign feels pushy to you, ask the bartender to keep the jar out but skip the “Tips Appreciated” note. Guests who want to tip will, quietly and naturally. If you are still worried, you can also add a gratuity to your final bill so you know the bartender is taken care of.