Leaving the Oscars in her (gold) dust tonight

February 24, 2019

Here we are, the last Sunday in February — aka, Oscar Night. As everyone knows by now, this evening in the Dolby Theater in Hollywood, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will honor the best films (and their writers, directors, actors, et al) of 2018 as they present the 91st annual Academy Awards. Just like the rest of the country (and the globe), I don’t know who’s going to win tonight. And, with the exception of the Best Actor and Best Original Song categories, I sorta don’t care. Here’s why: the inevitable long-winded, agenda-driven, ...

Celebrate Presidents Day by supporting Dolly

February 17, 2019

Presidents Day — that perfect time to reflect on the amazing accomplishments achieved by the late, great U.S. Presidents George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, among others. It’s an ideal opportunity to venerate their courage, their integrity, their commitment to the development of this “new” country and their overall dedication to the human condition. Indeed, many of us choose to honor their respective legacies by going skiing, embarking on marathon shopping sessions and, um, sleeping until the crack of noon on Monday. Ah, yes. Who can forget the way our Founding Fathers ...

Calling Cupid: Please send gourmet grub

February 10, 2019

Remember when you were a little kid and you had to make your Valentine’s Day box? Sure you do. Every year, school children from kindergarten (I guess I’m so old that I was pre-preschool?) through about sixth grade, I guess, would have to make a special receptacle for the dozens of tiny cardstock greetings everyone would pass out to their classmates that day. Most of us just decorated a shoe box with red tissue paper with some white doilies cut into heart-shaped designs. Fine, our Moms helped us, whatevs. And there was, of course, always that annoying girl (sorry but it was ...

Here’s what I hate, er, love about winter

February 3, 2019

You know when Sulley and Mike get banished from the institute in Monsters Inc.? That’s how I feel every February. Just like I’ve been ripped from any semblance of warmth, hearth and, frankly, joy and dropped into... well, The Himalayas. #IDontDoColdWell But add the fiendish phenomenon known as the polar vortex to the problem? It’s more like the feeling Fredo got when Michael gave him the “Kiss of Death” at midnight on New Year’s Eve in “The Godfather: Part II” — um, YOWZA, I’m toast. Or, I guess, a human Popsicle, to be more accurate. To me, polar vortex equals ...

Where oh where has my little bag gone?

January 27, 2019

I’d love to tell you a little bit about my favorite suitcase. It’s a red, expandable carry-on piece made by, er, Protege, I believe. It’s 21 inches tall and about 9 inches deep — um, I think. It has those handy-dandy, deep, stretchy pockets and foldaway zipper compartments that are perfect for storing toiletries, shoes, workout gear, etc. I think there are like, four or five, all told? Hmm, I’m not positive, but then again, I’m going from memory, TBH. We’ll get back to that momentarily. It’s just the right size. Not so big that you’ve got to check it when ...

Good grief, Patty, why are you so thin-skinned?

January 20, 2019

It’s a label I’ve carried with me for some time. Most of my life, actually. Well, at least since I was old enough to talk — and understand what the humans around me were saying when they conversed, too. Chatty Patty spoke early, I’m told. Guess I’ve always had lots to say? Hee. I digress. The descriptor landed on me before I was even a toddler. I have traced its origin back to the time my mother had me at the doctor’s office for my 9-month-old well-baby visit when, apparently, some well-meaning dad-to-be commented on “what a cute little guy”I was. Hmpf. Now I’m ...