This year’s election setting: ‘Typhoon Tumble’

October 18, 2020

“You know it. I know it ... and the American people know it.” Eagle-eyed readers will recognize that phrase as a favorite go-to line of Bob Dole. You remember Bob Dole, right? He used to be kind of a big deal. A retired American politician, statesman and attorney, he served in both the House and the Senate, and was the 1996 Republican presidential nominee. Anyhoo, old Bob (and I do mean old — he’s still kickin’ it in 2020 at 97!) loved a good quip back in his campaign-trail days. He even joked about his lovely wife, Elizabeth, being a bigger deal than he. “At least ...

This moody dork has some unpopular confessions

October 11, 2020

Things are hard for everyone right now. I mean, every day is basically just a juggling act to deal with the disaster du jour. Let’s face it, the world is pretty much in shambles. I mean, between the cataclysmic climate, the persistent pandemic and the economic upheaval, there’s just a general disturbance in the force out there. Closer to home, the Republicans all seem to have COVID. The Democrats are saddled by ... Biden. Both parties suffer from diarrhea of the mouth. It’s enough to make a human’s head hurt. At the time of this writing, I’m personally grappling with the ...

PK pontificates perplexed pandemic ponderings

October 4, 2020

Ahhhhh-tum. As in, don’t look now but autumn has reared its rustic orange head. And even though the air is chilling, the daylight’s dwindling and the leaves are super-nova-ing toward their collective final resting place (apparently, my kitchen floor?), little else seems typical about good old apple cider season this year. In fact, the 2020 version of autumn might literally require me to take Tums — and an extra-strength Tylenol or two, too. Sigh. It’s no surprise that fall is really, really well, weird this year. First there wasn’t going to be school. Then there was. ...

2020 is scary enough; let the kids have candy

September 27, 2020

I set off some spooky speak the other day by asking some pals: “Does anyone know if we’re still having trick or treating?” I unwittingly sparked a controversial candy convo in zero flat, as in the Zoom glares zapped my way were anything but Zen, ya dig? Suddenly, it was: “Of course there’s trick-or-treating!” “What are you insinuating?” “Why would they cancel it when the kids are already together in school?” “Wait, what? I don’t necessarily think they should…” I started to reply, to no avail. “I’m sorry but you’re WRONG, Patty! There SHOULD be ...

Christmas every day instead of Groundhog Day

September 20, 2020

It’s taken all this time, but they’ve finally taken hold. My quarantine quirks have officially become habits. According to the wellness site “Healthline,” “it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.” Sixty-six days. Hmm. Well, since we’ve been casa contained for the past, um, 87 years or so, I feel that I can pronounce them Pattyisms heretofore. I find myself worrying that I may have trouble readjusting to a tangibly social, post-pandemic society given the following ...

2020 needs to, like, take a chill pill right about now

September 13, 2020

Well, it was bound to happen. It is, after all, the worst year, like, out of all the years. OK, maybe not EVER in the history of people-kind. But it’s got to be up there in at least the top three or so. I mean, how can anyone deny that we have been truly living life on one gigantic hamster wheel of poo since March? By a show of hands, how many of y’all would like to go back to 2019 or earlier? OK, careful, don’t spill your coffee. Go ahead and lower your hands. It’s hard for me to type that way for very long, anyway. Ahem. A friend of mine recently posted a Facebook wall ...