Quick shout out to the demon with the yellow eyes, venomous fangs and forked tongue moonlighting as a phlebotomist at my local lab. BT dubs, you may want to invest in a more appropriate disguise, er, I mean uniform? I’m thinking a smile and some scrubs might play a little better with the ...
Well, that’s it. It’s all over, done. Terminado. Kaput. Finito. Sigh. You know how, toward the end of “A Christmas Story,” Ralphie laments how the Bumpus Hounds robbed the Parkers not only of Christmas dinner but also so much more after they burst into the kitchen and devoured — or ...
Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah, hey HEYYYYYY, GOODBYE! I challenge you to find a single Homo sapien living on this big round ball who isn’t over the flipping moon that this year is ending. Show of hands? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Zippo. It would be so easy to 2020 all over the ...
You knew it was coming. Well, that is, if you’ve been reading the contents in this space with any consistency over the past... oh, man, I’ve been blessed to be writing this little blurb for quite a while. How long? I’m pretty old and all. ... Uh, lemme think. Let’s see now, Kyle was pretty small when I first pitched this column. Hmm, I don’t know, let’s call it at least a decade and a half? Anyone who frequents this general area of the inside cover of this section with any regularity knows that every year, like clockwork, my pre-Christmas column is an homage to Clement ...
Sure, we’re all familiar with the classic song about the little feller, presumably recently visited by the Tooth Fairy, who just wants his two main incisors as a present this year. You know, Spike Jones & His City Slickers’ 1948 seasonal smash “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.” The song was written in 1944 by teacher Donald Gardner during a class at public schools in Smithtown, N.Y., where he taught music. Apparently, he’d asked his second-graders what they wanted for Christmas and noticed that almost all of the students had at least one front tooth missing ...
Can you remember what you were doing 21 years ago right now? I can. I was just trying to get some sleep. I clearly remember spending the better part of the day simply seeking shut eye. I hadn’t snoozed in a year (almost), so I was tickled blue (wait for it) that a little catnip got pumped ...
