I was supposed to be mowing the lawn or paying bills or fixing the dryer or something boring like that. Instead, I flopped into my easy chair and scrolled through my phone to research the latest memes. For my job, of course. One of the memes I saw went something like this: “I’m fairly ...

My boxer shorts went on public display. “They did not,” my wife retorted. “It’s called a clothesline.” Oh, yeah, what I meant to say is that Terry uses advanced solar and wind technology to dry our laundry. Terry is a big proponent of finding environmentally conscious solutions to ...

“Your beard looks so amazing,” one of the ladies at our table cooed. I flushed a little under my whiskers. “Thank y…” “It sparkles.” She turned to her companion. “Doesn’t it sparkle?” The second lady leaned in, chewed her lip, and nodded. “Yes. Yes, it does.” She ...

The summit of the gleaming playground slide towered above me. The only reason I kept clomping up the 3,000 steps to the peak was the shouts and jeers of the crush of fellow kindergartners pushing me upward even as I wriggled for an escape. About a half-mile up, I stammered, “I... I changed ...

I’d never heard such an outrageous lie. I was ashamed to be related to the man who told it to me. “JH,” as I’ll call him here, expected us to believe that he completed a repair project on his vehicle WITHOUT A SINGLE SNAG. Yeah, right. No man in the history of time ever finished a ...

Nothing so tried my young patience as the words, “Allow six to eight weeks for delivery.” Six to eight weeks took as long as three years to crawl along by a little boy’s hourglass. The only thing that took more time to arrive than “allow six to eight weeks for delivery” was ...