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Burton Cole column

With age comes wisdom — but this just ain’t it

I heard the phrase “hidden wisdom” the other day and thought, “Hey, that’s me!” I am chock full of wisdom. I have so much wisdom that it’s rolling out of my ears. But my wisdom is hidden. It must be. Nobody can see it. “Cole, if you had a brain, you’d be dangerous,” is one ...

You call this cozy, when the dark of Novem-brrrr came early?

“You want me to come over and help you take those air conditioners out of your windows?” I shook my head. “I hate to do that so early. We’ve got to have another stretch of warm days, right?” The next morning when I left for the office, the thermometer shivered at 37 degrees. ...

It’s too peopley outside for this introvert

I slithered through the crowd, trying to avoid contact. Not from elbows. I was afraid that someone in this bubbly mass might talk to me. Brrr. I broke through the swarm and headed for the far corner. Someone had beaten me to it. A woman — my hero — stood there in a T-shirt that ...

You just made the list!

Years ago, professional wrestler Chris Jericho used a list as his schtick. If someone offended him, Jericho shouted, “You just made the list,” and angrily scratched another name on the ever-thickening pad of paper clipped to his board. Sometimes, opponents snatched the List of Jericho ...

I’m dreaming of an old Wishbook Christmas

Before it was discontinued in 2011, Sears mailed out these wonderful tomes of literature in August or September called the Christmas Wishbook. This was long before the days of Google and Amazon. We didn’t scroll through screens. We drooled over real, live paper pages in actual thick ...

An elephant in the house and other funny, finny pets

I bought new plants for my fish aquarium. I also picked up gravel, rocks and a couple decorations. I hope my fish like it. When I get fish. And when I get an aquarium. I added a box of fish food to my aquatic hope chest. Because I hope to hear the pitter-patter of little feet… er, ...