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One of the most important lessons any child learns is this: We each have responsibility for our own selves.
For me, this began at a young age, with being taught to say, “I’m sorry, will you please forgive me?” It continued on through my formative years, aided by faithful teachers, mentors and even friends who refused to let me shirk responsibility for my own actions.
But as a person grows up, we all learn that there are certain cases in which it is OK to blame someone or something else for some of the circumstances we find ourselves in. That is to say, while all of us were taught that it is right and good to take responsibilities for our own actions, the “secret lesson of adulthood” is that there will be times when you can just go ahead and place the blame elsewhere.
In no particular order, here are just some other parties we have learned we can blame: our spouses, our children, our parents, our friends, our educators, our leaders, our president, our Congress, our Senate, our economy, our mayor, our religious leaders, our news media. The list goes on.
It’s striking to me, really, that while we spend so much time teaching young people about personal responsibility, we end up allowing them to graduate from such thinking in their late teens. This is just one of the many reality checks teenagers go through, and as a side note, is often why they’re so cynical – they were taught a system of morality as a child that ends up bearing no weight after the age of 16.
It’s no secret that we live in a pass-the-blame culture. A few years ago, when an individual was burnt by her McDonald’s coffee, she took legal action and won. That’s why your coffee cup that feels warm to the touch also warns you that there are hot contents inside – just in case you were wondering.
Returning to Warren with fresh – and more mature – eyes a few months ago helped me to see that blame-dodging is rampant in our region. I’ve discovered this through experiencing contrast. My wife grew up in a small town of about 700 in South Dakota, and if there were ever a state that was full of hard-working, responsible people, it would be that one. My wife is a very dutiful person, and is often confused by what she describes as a general attitude of refusing responsibility.
I don’t know where this attitude comes from. It’s just everywhere. It lies at the very core of talking about how gross, or ugly, or undesirable Trumbull County is – when we have problems, we blame it on where we’re living.
It’s found in our schools: Parents blame teachers for their kids not learning; and teachers blame the parents (or the administration).
Take a moment today and read through your Tribune Chronicle; somewhere in it you can be sure to find someone failing to take responsibility for their own actions and instead putting the blame on someone else, most likely someone from the above list.
I’m not saying all complaints are wrong. I agree there are cases in which a person is told they are at fault when it’s really someone else who is to blame. I am saying that we have developed, culturally, a knee-jerk reaction of blame-shifting, and we have to learn a new reflex.
What our Valley needs, and our city is desperate for, is someone who takes personal responsibility. We need leaders of all stripes to be men and women who say one of the most courageous things a leader can say: “I did that wrong.” We need members of our organizations to insist on responsible leadership, and we need voters to expect the same from their representatives.
What we need, put simply, is people who return to their childhood lessons and remember the power of two simple words: We need people who say, “I’m sorry.”
Tennant is a Warren resident. Email him at editorial@tribtoday.com