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It has been a long time since I missed a Browns game and wished I had been able to watch it. Usually, it's the other way around; I plan my day around the game and then wish I hadn't been so stupid.
Let me take you back 19 years to a sunny, warm September Sunday in 2007.
The Princess was making her Little Tigers cheerleading debut, and the Browns' Week 2 game against the Cincinnati Bengals was at roughly the same time.
One way or the other, I was going to watch a football game that day. But it wasn't much of a decision. I did what I hope any committed Girl Dad -- was that even a thing in 2007? -- would do: I went to cheer on my little girl while she cheered on the Howland Little Tigers.
I'd make the same decision on any given Sunday. Given how often three hours in front of a TV watching the Browns left me cynical and surly, I figured I wasn't going to miss much. And aside from one of the more entertaining games of the current era of Browns football, I was right. The Browns beat the Bengals 51-45.
But guess what? I didn't care.
I got to spend the day with my family, support The Princess and see a junior-high kid named De'Veon Smith run for what seemed like a never-ending series of 80-yard touchdowns. Pitch left: Smith goes the distance. Next series: Pitch right: Smith takes it to the house again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
So a couple years later, after an even bigger, stronger and faster Smith started doing those same things for the Howland High School football team, I was not particularly surprised. Before he graduated, he became the all-time leading rusher in Trumbull County history and later played for the University of Michigan and in the NFL with the Miami Dolphins and Washington Redskins. (Are we allowed to acknowledge the former name of the team now known as the Commanders?)
Smith also played in the Alliance of American Football, XFL, Canadian Football League, United States Football League and the United Football League.
Nineteen years later, the Browns could sorely use some of those 51 points they dropped on the Bengals that day all those years ago. Last week, Cleveland opened the season the way this franchise has done so often -- with an embarrassing loss and an immediate quarterback controversy. The Jacksonville Jaguars beat the Browns 34-10 and it wasn't that close.
Deshaun Watson played about the way most observers of the Browns in recent years expected, and the team followed his lead into Week 1 oblivion.
The best news was that I didn't watch any of it. I made the decision early in the day to play golf, and I'd do it again. In fact, I plan to do just that for as many Sundays as possible this fall. It didn't hurt that I was still in a bad mood after watching Ohio State -- then the top-ranked team in college football -- dominate No. 4 Texas for three quarters only to give up 21 unanswered points in the fourth quarter and lose, 24-23.
That was more than enough bad football for one weekend and I knew from close, personal experience that the chances of the Watson-led Browns shocking the world were slim and none, with "slim" having already left the building. The game "highlights" I saw later were about what I'd expected.
So I'm not exactly invested in what I've already predicted will be a 2-15 season. But Week 2 presents a conundrum, because the Browns are visiting Baker Mayfield and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday. I suspect more than a few Cleveland fans will be hate-watching the Browns this week and hoping that Mayfield -- a former No. 1 draft pick by then-Cleveland GM John Dorsey in 2018 -- puts 300 yards and several touchdown passes on his former team. What better way to rub Jimmy and Dee Haslam's noses in it after shopping out Mayfield and making the worst trade and signing in NFL history?
I've never watched the Browns and hoped for a loss, but I have to admit I wouldn't mind seeing Mayfield have a big game. But if I watch, it will be on tape because even a bad day on the course is better than three hours in front of a TV watching the brown-and-orange dumpster fire that the Haslams have foisted on this franchise's long-suffering fans.
See you on the first tee Sunday. Here's to a much better way to spend an afternoon.
Reach Ed Puskas, editor of the Tribune Chronicle and The Vindicator, at epuskas@tribtoday.com or 330-841-1786.