Suicide survivor shares story, messages of hope

By SEAN BARRON

Correspondent

WARREN -- Nancy McCurdy Montagna's earlier life was a bastion of normalcy, with everything short of the white picket fence: She grew up in a stable home with a loving family and her needs met, suffered no type of abuse and was the youngest of four siblings.

Also not lost upon her was the stark contrast between an entry in her Lakeview High School yearbook in which she was voted most comical, and the drastic dark turn her life would soon take.

All of that made it seem like she would be the last person one would expect to attempt suicide.

"Thoughts came upon me and I went into a severe mental depression for the first time," McCurdy Montagna of Warren, recalled.

No overt cause appeared to be a trigger for her state of mind, until she was later told the underlying root of the problem was a chemical imbalance in the brain, she said.

Montagna, the National Alliance of Mental Illness Mahoning Valley's communications and education director, said her mother taught at Lakeview High, which worsened her mental state because that thrust her into the unwanted spotlight.

"Everyone was like, 'What's wrong with Nancy?'" she said.

Things failed to brighten for McCurdy Montagna after she enrolled at Kent State University, where she played second-chair trumpet in the band. She experienced extreme mood swings that vacillated between euphoria and depression, and she eventually had to drop out of KSU because of her mental state.

"When you get that depression, suicide looks like the only way out," McCurdy Montagna said.

At age 21, a move to Providence, Rhode Island, led to a secretarial job for a corporate bank, as well as meeting her future boyfriend before moving in with him. Around this time, she began overdosing on various medications in an effort to kill herself, McCurdy Montagna said, adding that she also considered stealing a firearm to shoot herself.

At one point, she tried to share with her boyfriend her mental illness, but he was already aware of it, courtesy of a dream he had the night before about a girl he tried to save from suicide. A short time later, the boyfriend realized the girl in the dream and McCurdy Montagna were the same, she explained.

McCurdy Montagna recalled one day seeing a carpenter ant under a section of hardwood floor at their home and thinking "It has more worth than me," she said. Also, she occasionally walked through a nearby cemetery and thought about how fortunate she felt those buried there were because they were dead, McCurdy Montagna added.

While in Providence, she sought help from everyone from professionals to strangers, but saw little relief until several years later, when she walked into a church "and found Jesus," she recalled.

McCurdy Montagna and her boyfriend moved to Denver, where she worked for an insurance company, but he was unable to handle her erratic behavior. For a while, she also dealt with homelessness, until a local mental health agency helped place her into a halfway house.

Eventually, one of her sisters sent McCurdy Montagna a one-way plane ticket back to the Mahoning Valley. She worked for the Akron-based International Singing Telegram Co. Inc., then held a temporary secretarial position at the General Motors Corp. plant in Lordstown.

A far brighter turning point came for McCurdy Montagna when she befriended Christian people who showed her kindness and acceptance, at which point she began attending church services, turned to the teachings of Jesus Christ and, over time, began to heal.

"I realized God made my brain, and he doesn't make mistakes, so it's OK to be me," McCurdy Montagna said, adding she also "felt set free from the stigma of mental illness."

Another ray of light for the longtime mental health expert was meeting her husband, Gary Montagna, whom she married in 2001, she continued.

In recent years, Trumbull County, like Mahoning, has seen an uptick in confirmed suicides. As of Aug. 2, 25 people completed suicide, and by that time last year, 20 such deaths had taken place, Katie Cretella, the Trumbull County Mental Health and Recovery Board's clinical services director, noted.

"As of now, we are trending higher than we were in 2023," Cretella said about the overall rate, adding that she doesn't yet have ample information to which to attribute the increases.

Of the 25 suicides so far this year, 48% of them were the result of gunshot wounds; last year, that figure was 53%, she noted. In 2022, the highest number of suicides was among those ages 55 to 64; last year, it was in the 45-to-54 range, Cretella said.

In response, TCMHRB offers free gunlocks as an added safety measure to reduce the number of suicides, as well as providing ways to safely store guns, Cretella said. Her agency has no intention of confiscating anyone's firearms, Cretella stressed.

Also, the recovery board works to promote the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, launched nationwide in mid-July 2022, along with the 211 information-and-referral line to bring greater awareness regarding available resources and assistance, Cretella continued.

In 2000, McCurdy Montagna began a 15-year career at Help Hotline Inc. (now Help Network of Northeast Ohio) and started teaching behavioral and mental health-related classes at Trumbull Memorial Hospital in Warren and Help Hotline's Community Center -- all to use her experiences to help others.

She also has taught, via Help Network, Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) courses and workshops to empower those dealing with various challenges and crises to formulate plans to effectively deal with them each step of the way. Such means can include a list of five trusted friends to contact when in trouble, along with a "wellness toolbox" that contains Bible passages, heirlooms, awards and other positive mementos for the person, she noted.

"I realized suicide is no longer an option in my life -ever -- no matter what," McCurdy Montagna said, adding that turning to God and spirituality were pivotal in her recovery.

Another piece of good news found its way to her. While seeing a psychiatrist at the Cleveland Clinic, McCurdy Montagna received a diagnosis stating, "The patient is in full remission of bipolar disorder," a message she has circled and saved to her iPhone.

In addition, McCurdy Montagna penned a book, titled "What's Behind the Smile?" which was published in December 2013. The underlying premise was to help mental health professionals better understand "more of who we are as individuals, not just our diagnoses, and help people with mental illness know it's not a death sentence and can be a blessing, not a curse," she said.

Cretella noted that a variety of options are readily available to anyone in crisis or considering suicide -- including the two "H's."

"There is hope; there is help. Please call 988 or 211," she said, adding that people dealing with a major crisis also are encouraged to contact trusted family members, friends and loved ones, and, if necessary, visit their local emergency room.

Common warning signs of suicide

• Making direct or indirect statements about a desire to die.

• Expressing great guilt or shame.

• Suddenly giving away prized possessions or heirlooms.

• Thinking about being a burden to others.

• Feeling empty, trapped or hopeless, or having no reason to live.

• Experiencing extreme sadness, anxiety, agitation, rage or mood swings.

• Formulating a plan or researching ways to die.

• Withdrawing from friends and / or favored activities.

• Engaging in risky behavior such as driving extremely fast.

• Using drugs or alcohol more frequently.

For help, call or text 988, chat at www.988lifeline.org or text "HELLO" to 741741.

Source:

National Institute of Mental Health