Once again, I discover that I am well above average.

According to a new study, Americans require 60 lazy days a year to feel rested and relaxed.

Sixty? Only 60?

Ha! I can be lazy 160 days a year. Probably even 360.

Why not the full 365? Because sometimes due to circumstances beyond my control (the boss sneaks up on me), I am forced to commit acts of labor.

But most of the time, my mental health is chock full of chilled-out zen and serenity. I am the most rested and relaxed man on the planet if this study is true.

(I’d look it up, but that would take a bit of research, which would negate the whole purpose of a lazy day. Oh, wait, here’s a copy-and-paste report. Someone else did the work for me. Let’s see now…)

Talker Research surveyed 2,000 Americans on behalf of Berkshire Blanket and Home Co. in advance of National Lazy Day, which was Aug. 10.

(If National Lazy Day was last week, why am I just now getting around to telling you about it? Hello! Haven’t you been paying attention? I didn’t even start writing this column until my deadline had already passed. Why? Because I cannot confine my above-average brilliance at laziness to a single day.)

According to the survey, on a typical lazy day, the average person spends two hours lying in bed, another two hours napping here, there and everywhere, three hours binge-watching TV, an hour eating, an hour reading, two hours scrolling through screens, and three hours doing absolutely nothing.

That adds up to only 14 hours. What about the other 10 hours in a day?

You need a good night’s sleep to recover from all the effort put into laziness, so there’s that. Plus, according to the survey, most people spend a full hour dreading the following day, if it’s not going to be another lazy day.

Thirty-nine percent of the sloths surveyed chose Sunday as their favorite lazy day, while 27% picked Saturday. Apparently, the most productive day of the week is Tuesday. A mere 5% of people surveyed chose Tuesday for laziness.

Personally, I would suspect Monday as the most popular lazy day. But if I called off work every Monday, that would account for only 52 days, which would leave me too busy and below average.

The takeaway is this: One cannot restrict laziness to a single day a week. There must be multiple lazy days in at least some weeks simply to become completely adequate.

But who wants to be merely average, when one is presented with this marvelous opportunity to be an overachiever at something?

Being an above average lazy day person is far more attainable than being a gold medal sprinter or swimmer or powerlifter. Those things demand nasty qualities such as dedication, work ethic, guts, practice, and hours upon hours of aches, pains, tears and sweat.

Whereas, laziness takes practically no effort at all.

The biggest challenge for lazy days is the effort to make them happen.

According to the survey, 11% of people schedule their shutdown days weeks ahead of time and 21% plan to do nothing days in advance. But 67% — my people — wake up one morning, say, “Nope, not today,” roll over and actively engage in becoming inactive and unengaged.

Also, lazy day professionals know not to tell anyone. The survey says 72% of people won’t let it slip that they’re staying home to do nothing. Everyone has that one annoying friend who will chirp, “You’re home today, too? Fantastic! Get your hiking shoes on. We’re gonna tackle that 10-mile trail through the underbrush with all the rocks and hills. It’ll be fun! So relaxing!”

Uh, no, it won’t. You know what would be relaxing? If you dropped a sandwich off at my bedside, then left quietly so as not to interrupt the chilled-out zen and serenity of my pillow and my Donald Duck comic book.

I’ve got a lot of work to ignore if I’m going to maintain my above-average lazy day status.

Send cookies to Cole at burton.w.cole@gmail.com of on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.