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A very important principle to which one must adhere as Oct. 31 nears is this: You're never too old to beg for free chocolate.
Don a costume if you must, but knock on doors, hold a bag, and see if the person on the other side has any chocolate left, or did he already eat all the Reese's Cups and Snickers bars himself?
Remember the old adage, "When life gives you lemons, give them back and demand chocolate."
(I am talking about full-sized bars here. Remember, "fun size" is not fun. It could earn you a nasty trick involving soap or toilet paper. Be safe the year. Give me… I mean, pass out proper-sized candy to the costumed kiddos.)
I have no chocolate left to offer you, so let me treat you with other notes, quotes and otherwise wise sayings from some of the great philosophers of the chocolate age.
"Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it useful." -- anonymous (but probably my late wife)
"Put 'eating chocolate' at the top of your to-do list today. In this way, at least one thing you will do." -- anonymous
"A day without chocolate is like...just kidding. I have no idea." -- anonymous (but probably me)
"On the chocolate package it says 'resealable'...wha hahaha hahaha hahahahahahah" -- anonymous (he was laughing too hard to give his name)
"Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain." -- Dave Barry
"Research tells us that 14 out of 10 people love chocolate." -- Sandra Boynton
"Nine out of 10 people like chocolate. The 10th person always lies." -- John Tullius
"There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles." -- anonymous
"Who said that chocolate is not one of the main energetics of the human diet? Seems more nutritious to me than beans and broccoli, just to name a few." -- Isabel Allende
"I almost choked on a carrot today -- all I could think was chocolate would've never done this to me." -- anonymous
"Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then eat just one of those pieces." -- Judith Viorst
"Does the notion of chocolate contradict the principle of free will?" -- Sandra Boynton
"The 12-step chocolate program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!" -- Terry Moore
"Day 12 without chocolate...lost hearing in my left eye." -- anonymous
"Don't ruin a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty." -- Lora Brody
"Have you ever stopped to think maybe chocolate is addicted to me?" -- anonymous
"Not all who wander are lost. Most of them are just looking for chocolate." -- anonymous
"I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter." -- Lora Brody
"Yesterday, I really wanted chocolate. Today, I am eating chocolate. Follow your dreams." -- anonymous
"Someday I will solve my problems with critical thinking, but today it will be with chocolate." -- anonymous
"I don't drown my pains. I choke them with chocolate." -- anonymous
"Dip it in chocolate. It'll be fine." -- anonymous
Fill Cole's candy bag at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.