Trub the Lethargic wades in shallow pondering pools

Burt's Eye View

Great people contemplate lofty concepts, complex equations and thoughtful immensities.

Me, I ponder why I’m stuck with such an embarrassing dragon name.

Scrolling through the social media posts a couple days ago when I should have been working, I happened upon these instructions:

“Your dragon name is (your name backwards) the (current mood), hoarder of (the last thing you ate) and (item to your left).”

Say hello to Trub the Lethargic, Hoarder of Fried Eggs and Legal Note Pads.

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to experience deep thoughts. Instead, I wade around in shallow pools of ponderings.

Ponder with me.

• Is it safe to stand on the X’s spaced six feet apart on store floors? I grew up watching Road Runner cartoons. Never stand on the X. Especially if you’re a coyote.

• I dreamt the other night that Randy “Macho Man” Savage and I were set to wrestle in an empty arena (COVID-19 no spectator rules).

“Let’s choreograph how this match is going to go,” I said.

Randy shook his head. “Let’s go eat doughnuts while we block out the match. Then we’ll report that as if it happened. We don’t need to wrestle. Nobody’s here.”

That made tons of sense without any pain. I followed Randy to the kitchen. Ooh, yeah.

I’ve been pondering this dream ever since I had it five nights ago. The meaning escapes me. Make doughnuts, not pile-drivers?

• Spotted on Facebook: “Looking forward to the Hallmark holiday offering ‘A Very COVID Christmas’ when a big-city lawyer and a country candle maker accidentally meet when they go to the wrong Zoom meeting.”

It could happen.

• Why do country folk — and I am one — wait until you’ve already passed your turnoff before casually asking, “Where you going?”

“Why didn’t you just tell me my turn was coming up?” my wife snaps when I do that to her.

Dunno. That’s what I’m pondering.

• Speaking of country folk and directions, how long do you have to live somewhere before it’s yours?

I live in the Old Brewer Place, right next to the Old Viets Place. I moved in about 25 years ago. Mr. Viets left 20 years ago, and two families have come and gone from that house since.

But ask us for directions to the farm south of me, and we’re likely to tell you, “Turn left at the tree stump, then it’s a mite down the road from the Old Brewer Place.”

Maybe 75 years from now, long after I’ve moved on, the directions will change to “You wanna scoot past where that tree stump used to be and it’s a mite down the road from the Old Cole Place.”

• Spotted on Facebook: “Which essential oil calms household family members? It’s chloroform, isn’t it?

• I’m pondering getting up early tomorrow and going for a five-mile run. I’m also pondering finding a check for $50,000 in the mail. The odds are roughly the same. But slightly in favor of the check.

• Barber shops were closed in April. Home Depot remained open. How many people visited the lawn and garden department for haircuts with hedge trimmers?

• I did nothing yesterday. I’m doing the same today because I wasn’t finished. I’m not a quitter. But this column is done. Ponder on that.

— Send your reflections to Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com, the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or at BurtonWCole on Twitter.


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