Pondering the imponderable

Burt's Eye View

If Wile E. Coyote could afford all those rockets, anvils, skates, skis and cannons from the Acme Co., why didn’t he just order dinner?

What would the speed of lightning be if it didn’t zigzag? By the way, what’s the speed of dark?

How did that “Keep off the grass” sign get there?

Questions like these keep me up at night. Pondering life’s imponderables causes headaches. Then I have to figure out if I need ibuprofen or acetaminophen. And wonder how that little pill knows where the pain is.

Just curious, why are Kansas and Arkansas pronounced differently? Are they related to the “ough” family — cough, dough, through, bough? That’s rough.

Why do you drink a drink but you don’t food a food?

Why is the word “fridge” spelled with a “D” but the long version — refrigerator — is not?

Speaking of long versions, why don’t we just drop all the silent letters off the word “queue”? I can spell “Q.”

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost? (This is a trick question. We’ll never admit it. Nor take advice from the GPS. Because we know a shortcut. Speaking of which, why do my friend’s shortcuts always take twice as long as the long way around?)

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

If we can’t see air, is a fish not able to see water?

How is it that one match can start a forest fire but I need a whole box to light my grill?

Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

I’m wondering, how does a spy know when he’s out of invisible ink?

Where does the flame go when you blow out a candle?

Is it the “S” or the “C” that’s silent in the word “scent”?

I find it curious that suits are carried in garment bags and garments in suitcases. Or how about this — if you send something by truck, it’s called a shipment, but if you send it by ship, it’s called cargo. Did we get mixed up?

Why are Zoey and Zoe pronounced the same but Joey and Joe aren’t?

I’m pondering, if space is a vacuum, does someone need to change the bags?

Why is it called rush hour? No one’s moving.

If a turtle loses its shell, is it homeless or naked?

Croutons are stale bread — so why do they come in air-tight packages?

When someone designs something to be “idiot-proof,” does someone else have to build a better idiot?

Just wondering, if quitters never win and winners never quit, how do you know when to quit when you’re ahead?

If you expect the unexpected, then technically, the unexpected becomes expected. Did you expect that?

If you try to fail, and you succeed at that, then which did you do?

Why aren’t buildings called builts? Aren’t they done?

What would happen if instead of opening here, you opened a package over there?

Why are we encouraged to eat natural foods if most people die of natural causes?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

I’m curious, why is it that I can never find a lost item until 10 minutes after I buy a replacement?

I’m pondering life’s imponderables.


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