May days bloom with tubas, socks and sea monkeys
Burt's Eye View
May is the month of blossoms, as set forth in the Ohio Revised Code: “April showers shall bring May flowers.”
When I was in school, I thought the Pilgrims brought the Mayflower. I refuse to live any longer in that kind of ignorance. I consulted a few offbeat calendars to find out what really blooms in May:
May 1 — Mother Goose Day. Which goosetails nicely into…
May 2 — Baby Day. (Awww.)
May 3 — International Tuba Day. (Can’t stand the sound of a tuba? It’s also Lumpy Rug Day. Either roll up in one or cram it down the tuba.)
May 4 — National Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you, naturally).
May 5 — National Hoagie Day. (If you didn’t grow up where I did, those would be submarine sandwiches to you.)
May 6 — No Diet Day. (Considering all the days on this list that revolve around food, I think we can declare the whole month of May diet free.)
May 7 — My Mom’s birthday, without which, my birthday would have been a lot trickier.)
May 8 — No Socks Day. Followed by…
May 9 — Lost Sock Memorial Day. (It’s also National Butterscotch Brownie Day, which will help ease the pain of lost socks.)
May 10 — Clean up Your Room Day. (Oh, THAT’S where the socks went!)
May 11 — Eat What You Want Day. Also, National Train Day, National Windmill Day and Twilight Zone Day.
May 12 — International Nurses Day. (You may want to see a nurse after the busy day yesterday.)
May 12 — Limerick Day. (There once was a man from North Bloomfield…)
May 13 — Frog Jumping Day. (I don’t know about the frog, but you should have seen me jump when some prankster hid one in my easy chair.)
May 14 — Dance Like a Chicken Day. Also, National Buttermilk Biscuit Day, which makes more sense. (Bok-bok-bok.)
May 15 — National Chocolate Chip Day. (Only one day? I’m grabbing dozens.)
May 16 — National Sea Monkey Day. (Why did they never look like the pictures on the backs of comic books?)
May 17 — Pack Rat Day. (This is why we have a Clean Up Your Room Day.)
May 18 — No Dirty Dishes Day. (Don’t wash them or don’t use them? I’m going to need napkins.)
May 19 — National Devil’s Food Cake Day. Also, Take Your Parents To The Playground Day. (Hey, kids, I’ll go for some cake.)
May 20 — Be a Millionaire Day. (If I have to, I guess. … OK, I’m in.)
May 21 — National Memo Day (Make a note of that.)
May 22 — National Vanilla Pudding Day. (I’ll have chocolate chips in mine.)
May 23 — World Turtle Day. (Teenage Mutant Ninja or otherwise.)
May 24 — National Escargot Day. (Good luck with that.)
May 25 — Tap Dance Day. (My steps are more like a clomp-stomp.)
May 26 — National Blueberry Cheesecake Day. (What a great day!)
May 27 — National Grape Popsicle Day. (What a grape day!)
May 28 — National Hamburger Day. (Pass the ketchup and relish.)
May 29 — National Paperclip Day.
May 30 — National Creativity Day. (I’m making paperclip sculptures.)
May 31 – Save Your Hearing Day. (Turn down that thumpety-thump-thump car radio! Or maybe it’s the May 3 tuba. Where’s my lumpy rug?)
Let’s get the May days party started.
— Celebrate with Cole at firstname.lastname@example.org, on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or @BurtonWCole on Twitter.