Cow tipping no joke but there are plenty to go around
Burt's Eye View
Amid a bludgeoning of news about floods, fires, assaults, walls, cheats, liars, murders and other mayhem, a pastoral headline went largely overlooked:
Oklahoma City’s airport no longer is selling cow-tipping T-shirts.
After more than 10 years, Will Rogers World Airport has sold out of “Nothing Tips Like A Cow” T-shirts and won’t restock them. The shirts featured a silhouette of Oklahoma with an upside down cow planted in the middle.
“The joke has run its course,” airport spokesman Josh Ryan told the Associated Press.
According to myth, cow-tipping is how we farm kids have fun: We tiptoe into a pasture at night and push over sleeping cows.
First, cows don’t sleep standing up.
Secondly, that’s close to a half-ton of indifference filling those hooves — especially if she’s standing on your foot at the time. She’s not moving until she’s contemplated it for awhile. It’s why I wear size 13 shoes. My feet were squished flat by immooovable forces.
Memories of those days made me wince. Then smile. Worry lines fade from my face. Tenseness between my shoulders melts. I sigh like, well, a contented cow.
The world seems less like a crazed, quarrelsome place when you’re roaming a cow pasture. As long as you watch where you step.
For a few minutes, put aside the trauma and bask in the healing power of… cow jokes. They’re moooving.
• Why did the cow cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off.
• What do you call it when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.
• What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed? Bull-dozin’.
• When the earthquake struck, all the cows fell down, but the bull remained upright. The farmer asked the bull, “How did you stay standing?” The bovine answered, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”
• Where do cows go on their honey-moo-n? Moontana or Cowifornia. Then to Hawaii, where they wear moo-moos.
• What do you call a cow that just had a calf? Decalfenated.
• What did the mama cow say to her calf at 9 p.m.? “It’s pasture bedtime.”
• Where do cows go when they want a night out? To the moovies.
• What’s a cow’s favorite moosical note? Beef-flat.
• What does the average cow drive? A Moostang.
• What kind of car does a rich cow drive? A Cattelac.
• What does a cow use when her car breaks down? A Cowasaki mootorcycle.
• Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
• What is a cow’s favorite school subject? Cowculus. They use cowculators.
• How does a cow know what day it is? She checks her cowander.
• What do you call a landscaper cow? A lawn moo-er.
• Why did the farmer give his cow a pogo stick? He wanted a milk shake.
There, wasn’t that nice relief to act udderly silly for a few moonutes?
— Send your moovelous bovine jokes to Cole at firstname.lastname@example.org, the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or @BurtonWCole on Twitter.