Signs of the times trade in puns in Indian Hills, Colo.
My whole career revolves around playing with words. Wordplay is a time-honored tradition honed by such smiths as William Shakespeare, P.J. Wodehouse, Lewis Carroll, A.A. Milne and Vince Rozmiarek.
The first four of those guys are famous authors. That fifth one — Rozmiarek — is a volunteer at the Indian Hills, Colo., Community Center. And his work has been gaining lots of national attention.
He’s the guy who’s been lettering the community center sign with gems such as these:
“I was struck by a bottle of Omega 3 pills. Luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil.”
“I call my horse Mayo, and sometimes May neighs.”
“My fear of moving stairs is escalating.”
Rozmiarek told Mental Floss that it started with an April Fool’s Day prank five years ago that went over so well, he just kept it going. With acrylic black letters slid into the tracks on an aqua-colored message board, Rozmiarek has turned his jokes, musings and puns into a tourist attraction that lately has been making the rounds on social media.
To start your day out with plenty of groans and giggles, here are a few more from the collection:
“You can’t plant flowers if you haven’t botany.”
“When you’re down by the sea, and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.”
“Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.”
“Of course I’m an organ donor. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this?!”
“Well, to be Frank, I’d have to change my name.”
“Crushing pop cans is soda pressing.”
“Turning vegan would be a big missed steak.”
“Never iron a four-leafed clover. You don’t want to press your luck!”
“Past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.”
“I ordered a chicken and an egg off the Internet to see which comes first.”
“The cashiers around here are always checking me out.”
“Don’t let anyone call you average — that’s just mean.”
“1S2A3F4E5T6Y7 — safety in numbers.”
“Only dead fish go with the flow.”
“Wish you a happy whatever doesn’t offend you.”
“The four seasons are all different. Summer warmer than others.”
“Big shout-out to my fingers. I can always count on them.”
“I’m not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.”
“Happy Thanksgiving. Don’t forget to set your scales back 10 pounds.”
“Some people are wise; some are otherwise.”
“My mood ring is missing and I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“The last thing I need is a burial plot.”
“To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word.”
“Cow tumbles into pot field! The steaks have never been higher.”
“The only thing flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.”
“Dr Pepper is a fizzicist.”
“I can tell if people are judgmental just by looking at them.”
“Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to dis a brie?”
“I ate a dictionary and got thesaurus throat.”
Send your puns to firstname.lastname@example.org, to the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or to @Burton WCole on Twitter.