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If there ever was time for Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap to settle down for a long winter's nap, it's January.
Unfortunately, my bosses -- as so often occurs -- hold a differing viewpoint. So I do my best to shrug off bed covers and doldrums and face January as if it were full of wild, wonderful and weird celebrations.
As it turns out, it is.
Did you know National Kazoo Day, Chocolate Cake Day and Squirrel Appreciation Day are all celebrated in January? According to HolidayInsights.com and HolidaysCalendar.com, here's some of the drudgery-busting fun the month has to offer:
Today -- It's both Bubble Bath Day and Male Watcher's Day. I would prefer that you didn't combine the two, especially if I'm the one in the bath.
Tuesday -- Houseplant Appreciation Day and Peculiar People Day. Be careful with this double-header. Shuffle around the house cooing sweet nothings over your plants, and the rest of the family might confuse this with full Peculiar People Day mode.
Wednesday -- Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day. I suspect that if you go gung-ho with this celebration, we'll end up with a new holiday -- Punch Your Friend Right in the Nose Day. Or Sign Your Friend's Cast Day. It is January in northeast Ohio. Puddles tend to be slick and solid.
Friday (the 13th) -- Make Your Dream Come True Day and International Skeptics Day. I think this combo means you'll win the lottery but tear up the ticket because you're convinced it's a fake. Then a black cat steps under a ladder. Or something like that.
Jan. 15 -- National Hat Day. Considering it's the middle of January, make mine a wool ski hat.
Jan. 16 -- Martin Luther King Jr. Day. This commemoration doesn't fit the list of whimsy but I didn't want to omit it when thinking about special days set aside in January.
Jan. 17 -- Ditch Your New Year's Resolutions Day. As if you hadn't already done so.
Jan. 18 -- National Thesaurus Day. There's got to be another word for that. It's also Winnie the Pooh Day, the birthday of author A.A. Milne. A spot of honey, anyone?
Jan. 19 -- National Popcorn Day, and…
Jan. 20 -- National Buttercrunch Day and National Cheese Lover Day. And you thought you left the feasting behind after New Year's Day.
Jan. 21 -- Squirrel Appreciation Day. I will appreciate the squirrels who have taken up residence in my attic much more when they move to your attic!
Jan. 22 -- National Blonde Brownie Day, and…
Jan. 23 -- National Pie Day, and…
Jan. 27 -- Chocolate Cake Day. As if we don't eat enough on holidays, there's a whole grocery list of special days dedicated to food itself.
Jan. 28 -- National Kazoo Day. Finally, a day you can't eat. Instead, go to the supermarket and kazoo along with the Muzak along the fresh produce aisle.
Jan. 30 -- Bubble Wrap Appreciate Day. Nothing turns grown men into little boys faster than Bubble Wrap. Pop your way to the Fountain of Youth.
There now, January doesn't seem so dull after all, does it? Party on!
— Trundle through January with Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com.