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Merry Christmas! My wish for you is that as you read this, we both are wearing soft, warm socks that we plucked from beneath the tree this morning.
That's either a sign that I've learned a less materialistic meaning of Christmas or that I've given up on ever receiving the G.I. Joe "The Shark's Surprise" adventure set, which includes sea sled, frogman suit, spear gun, treasure chest and shark. I've been waiting since 1969.
Back then, the adventure set cost what my parents considered the outrageous price of $6.97. I didn't get the set.
Nearly 50 years later, I suspect my Christmas socks cost more than $6.97 today. As for the G.I. Joe adventure set, considering it's now a vintage collectible, you better hope the treasure chest is stocked with real gold. And lots of it.
I don't know when socks became a good gift. Fifty years ago, opening a brightly colored package to discover socks or underwear seemed like about the meanest, dirtiest prank parents could pull on a kid. I was surprised my folks weren't arrested for such a horrible deed.
I also was surprised the police officer I called laughed at me. "Someday, kid, you'll like the socks."
Today, new warm socks to replace old worn socks aren't so bad.
But I'd still rather Santa dropped off a boatload of toys. And the boat, too.
Perhaps that old chestnuts roasting on an open fire is true -- the bigger the boy, the bigger the toy. Maybe that's why every year I peruse the Fantasy Gifts in the Neiman Marcus Christmas Catalog. The big-boy toys in there are just as out-of-reach for me now as G.I. Joe adventure sets in the Sears Wishbooks and the JCPenney Christmas Catalogs were a half century ago.
This year, the fine folks at Neiman Marcus offered a rose gold (that means "shiny pink") Cobalt Valkyrie-X four-seat private plane for $1.5 million. Before you balk at the price, keep in mind that the hand-stitched leather and Alcantara seats are included.
Or for $700,000, you and seven of your closest friends can spend the week staying at three estates, including a night or three in the 900-year-old Alnwick Castle and at Winston Churchill's Blenheim Palace. Polo lessons included.
Too fancy? How about a collection of children's books? There's 36 of them, all Caldecott Medal winners, and all first editions or early prints spanning almost 80 years. Classic reading is yours for only $100,000.
Oh, here's one: Remember that dream we had as kids about being locked in the toy store overnight? Well, for $120,000, you and 11 friends can have a slumber party locked inside the Neiman Marcus Flagship Store in Dallas. Personalized pajamas are included.
That's fine, I guess. If a Toys R Us store isn't handy. Other than that, I think I'd rather have the socks.
Personally, what I hope I really got for Christmas today are long, loving hugs from my wife, kids and grandson. Hugs come in just my size, they're free but priceless, and they're even warmer than new socks. Plus, you can return them without a receipt and without hurting anyone's feelings.
So today, my wish for you and me is hugs. (But, uh, I won't turn down "The Shark's Surprise." C'mon, Santa, I've been waiting for 47 years.)
— Update Cole's Christmas list at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.