Trending
It's been an interesting week. My wife traveled out of state.
"There's nothing to worry about," I assured her. "Remember, I took care of myself all by myself before I married you."
"You didn't sort your laundry. You ate Alpha-Bits for supper. You wore stripes with plaids." Terry shuddered. "I'm going to cancel my trip."
"Go. Enjoy yourself. I'll be fine."
And I am.
The biggest challenge to being left alone was getting her to leave me alone. It was as if she feared I'd break something. I didn't, outside of that one antique dish. But it was old. It probably would have fallen apart on its own if I hadn't helped.
"Do you know how to run the washing machine?"
"I won't need to. You'll be back in 10 days."
She gave me THE look. I decided perhaps I ought to give the washer a glance. "It's that button, right?"
"No. It's this one. And the knob goes on that setting, pour the detergent in here, and add the softener to there."
There was nothing to it. So when I did my laundry --
Um, hold on a second…
OK, I'm back. Sorry about running out like that in the middle of a column, but I just remembered a teeny tiny detail I figured I ought to tend to. Red's not a dark color, is it?
Anyway, Terry also took me to the refrigerator. "Up here in the freezer are these vegetables you can steam and here's salmon you can thaw. I have fresh fruits down here in the crisper, and over here in the cupboard is the whole wheat spaghetti."
"You know, I fed myself quite well when I was a bachelor."
She grimaced. "I prefer that you eat healthy meals."
Alpha-Bits contain 12 essential -- ESSENTIAL -- minerals and vitamins. I checked when I stopped by the grocery on the day she left.
I don't know why Terry worries so much. It's as if she suspects I tend toward the irresponsible.
But I turn off the light when I leave the room (unless I'm planning on coming right back in the next couple minutes or days). I know enough to come in out of the rain (as soon as I notice it's raining). I remember to pay the bills when --
Um, give me a moment.
OK, I'm back. A minor situation cropped up, but I handled it just fine. Besides, I think it's still in the grace period.
Anyway, it's not like I'm a little boy who needs constant monitoring.
True, I left my dirty socks on the floor all night, but guess what -- the world didn't end.
No, I haven't made the bed all week, but guess what -- the world didn't end.
Wasting time on silly stuff like making the bed just keeps me from the educational documentary I checked out of the library: VeggieTales in "Celery Night Fever."
And if I thought she worried about me, she worries about the cat even more. She left me handwritten instructions on what to feed the cat at what time and in which dishes. And what day to clean the litter box. As if I'd forget --
Um, excuse me a minute…
OK, I'm back. I had to clear up a pesky detail. Phew. Smelled like the world just ended.
You know, honey, maybe you ought to hurry home.
— Cole's brief return to bachelorhood is at an end, and not a moment too soon. Send condolences to his wife at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.