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EDITOR'S NOTE: One week into the new year, and Cole already slipped out the back door to go on vacation. While we track him down and drag him back to his desk, here's a topical Cole Classic first published Dec. 30, 1997.
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It has long been my practice to avoid all New Year's resolutions.
I don't believe in lying.
Besides, the preparations for resolutions were killing me.
Haven't we all resolved at one time or another to go on an everlasting diet on Jan. 1? So what do we do on Dec. 31? Right -- mash into our mouths all the stuff we've sworn not to ever eat again in our sleek, sexy bodies.
And come Jan. 1, we don't eat any of those chocolate cakes with fudge frosting and doughnuts with extra glaze and blueberry pie with ice cream because of one important factor: We are far too sick. Also, there are none left because we ate them all in a valiant struggle to remove all temptation.
Now that greenish body sagging up against the mirror won't be mistaken for sexy even by a seasick elephant seal.
Once we do get to feeling better and can keep our resolutions down on the basis of resolve alone, those tried-and-true habits with seniority reclaim their turf, rashly made vows of self-improvement are locked away where they can do no further harm and the world settles back into a comfortable peace.
So, by skipping the resolution process altogether, I still end up at the same place but without the trauma.
However, this year I am thinking of changing all that. My research has uncovered a resolution that I am pretty certain I can keep.
It turns out that cutting all that fat out of one's diet isn't healthy.
Now, I missed the actual article that came out this month but I overheard some people talking about the benefits of fat. So, based on the strength of that evidence alone, I am ready to put that low-fat yogurt back on the shelf and get me a chocolate milkshake.
I realize there are skeptics who take more convincing before going ahead and doing the right thing … so, while drinking a Coke and popping a handful of Hershey's Kisses, I punched a few buttons on the Internet and found some words of wisdom from Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole, co-authors of a book called "Intuitive Eating."
Tribole said people use the words "fat free" as a license to inhale gobs more calories than ever before. She noted that fruits and vegetables have been fat free all along, but people still avoid them.
Resch chimed in that dieters will eat fat-free cakes and fat-free cookies and fat-free muffins and think they are eating well and will lose weight.
''They don't look at the other additives and ingredients -- the sugar and the salt,'' she said.
The message is clear. Obviously, we must skip fat-free stuff in favor of sensible eating, such as banana splits without all those additives that low-fat junk has. Plus, the banana is fat free naturally and, therefore, is healthy.
But here's the clincher: In an article called "11 Nutritional Myths" in Muscle and Fitness Magazine, myth No. 2 is that all fat is bad. Wrong.
The human body must have certain fats to produce the hormones for normal fat metabolism. To quote the article: "That's right, you need fat to burn fat." Plus, other fatty acids improve glucose tolerance and enhance immune functions.
There was some other highly technical stuff detailing exactly which fats to chew and which to eschew, but I didn't read it. I'd already learned all I needed to know -- if I want to stay slim and trim while withstanding all attacks of diseases such as hangnails, stress, bad hair days, squirrels in the attic and the common cold, I must make sure I am getting plenty of fat in my diet.
So, my resolution for the New Year is to eat healthy. It's a big, fat resolution I'm sure I can stick to.
— Snack with Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.