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It's been a random kind of week, the sort that leaves me with more questions than answers.
For example:
* I heard a discussion on the radio about which is correct, "bacon and eggs" or "eggs and bacon"?
I think it's "bacon and eggs," but apparently some people are ready to fight for "eggs and bacon."
And remember when your parents told you to "put on your shoes and socks"? Did you ever try to follow those specific orders? The common phrase is "peanut butter and jelly," which also serves as a step-by-step recipe, so why don't we say "socks and shoes"?
How about when someone remarks that it's "raining cats and dogs." How could something that ridiculous sound wrong when turned around: "raining dogs and cats"?
Even more puzzling is why we say it in the first place. If cats and dogs or dogs and cats start falling from the sky, I'm ducking indoors before I get pummelled by a St. Bernard.
What phrases drive you crazy?
* About 15 years ago, Chicago Tribune columnist Cheryl Lavin asked readers for rules that men wished women knew and rules that women wished men knew.
Thoughts from the guys included:
"Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!"
"We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you."
"It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take any quiz together."
"If we ask what's wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle."
"Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials."
"If it itches, it will be scratched."
Thoughts from the ladies included:
"Every idea that you have is not automatically brilliant. And every idea that we have is not automatically stupid."
"We are not nags, it's just that you never do what we ask the first time."
"We believe that you mean everything that it says in a greeting card. So, spend a few minutes and pick out a nice one."
"No one dies of a cold."
"When you answer us while you're watching television, at least turn your head in our direction."
"If it itches, wash it."
I'm curious, do readers of this column have rules they wished others would know? The men and women thing has been done to death. How about rules that servers and restaurant customers wish each other knew? Send them in.
* How come we all think we're above-average drivers? Maybe math has changed since I was in school.
* Someone yelled, "We need to do away with Cole!" and I nearly dived under my desk before I realized the word was "coal."
That doesn't make sense either. Considering all the naughtiness flaunted before us on reality TV and judge shows, I'd guess there'd be an increased need for coal. Santa has to be running out.
Be that as it may, I'm wondering, does anyone else find themselves answering, "Yes?" or "How can I help you?" when you hear your surname -- such as Carr, Gardener, Fox, Greene or Baker -- used in other contexts?
Please, if you have answers to these perplexing questions, give a confused columnist a helping hand and zap them to me. You can even use pen and paper if you wish. Or possibly paper and pen.
— Write Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.