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Several eons ago when I was in elementary school, the teacher assigned us to write an essay about our favorite month. I chose September.
The salient points included summer reruns gave way to a new season of my favorite TV show ("Get Smart") and that all four major sports -- football, baseball, basketball and hockey -- were in full swing.
Actually, the NBA doesn't tip off until November. I figured October preseason games were almost September. I wasn't sure when hockey started or what it was other than it involved sticks, skates and an overbaked biscuit.
The true reason I loved September was it's my birth month. That increased the odds of getting a buttermilk chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting, and a 10-speed bicycle. The cake usually came through.
I still hope for cakes every September. Sometimes, I'm slipped a salad instead. Birthdays and good sense shouldn't mix.
I know hardly any more about hockey than I did then other than it's an overbaked waffle, not a burnt biscuit. Basketball still tips off in November but the season now lasts practically through September.
I don't watch TV anymore. I keep the complete "Get Smart" collection on DVD because the new stuff can't beat the old shows of my old Septembers.
My soft spot for September continues. Thanks to laptops and Google, I've discovered strange and odd celebrations that offer more reasons to love this month.
Here's a sampling:
* Sept. 5, Be Late for Something Day -- That's every day, isn't it?
* Sept. 6, Read a Book Day -- I hear there are a trio of awesome books, "Bash and the Pirate Pig," "Bash and the Chicken Coop Caper" and "Bash and the Chocolate Milk Cows," available in bookstores everywhere. The author's name escapes me but I believe he has a birthday this month. And that he is me. (I propose a new commemoration for Sept. 6 -- Shameless Self-Promotion Day.)
* Sept. 8, International Literacy Day -- I hear there are a trio of awesome books… Oops, I already used that line on Shameless Self-Promotion Day. Fortunately, today also is Pardon Day.
* Sept. 9, Teddy Bear Day -- That's like declaring a National Play-Doh Day. Every day should feature teddy bears and Play-Doh.
* Sept. 12, Chocolate Milk Shake Day.
* Sept. 13, It's Defy Superstition Day, and Fortune Cookie Day -- How's that for a goofy pairing? Speaking of goofy, it's Grandparents Day. That's me.
* Sept. 14 -- National Cream-Filled Doughnut Day.
* Sept. 16, National Play-Doh Day -- Hey, someone DID declare a National Play-Doh Day! Round up the teddy bears!
* Sept. 17, National Apple Dumpling Day.
* Sept. 18, National Cheeseburger Day. (Have you noticed the lack of National Celery Day or National Carrot Sticks Day?)
* Sept. 19, National Butterscotch Pudding Day, and International Talk Like a Pirate Day -- Arrr! Please don't talk like a pirate with your mouth full of butterscotch pudding.
* Sept. 22, Elephant Appreciation Day -- Take your favorite elephant on a picnic.
* Sept. 25, National Comic Book Day -- I love all these literary holidays!
* Sept. 28, Ask a Stupid Question Day -- What is that thing hockey players slap around with their sticks?
Have an awesome September.
— Write Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.