Trending
I stopped in the middle of the living room, a magazine in one hand and a bottle of ketchup in the other.
"Terry," I hollered to my wife. "What was I supposed to do with the ketchup and magazine?"
I heard something that sounded like the gushing of wind. "Put the magazine in the door of the refrigerator and sit in your chair and read the ketchup bottle label."
So I did.
"This seems odd," I told Terry when she walked into the room a few minutes later.
"You think?"
"Yeah. There's no fat, no protein, no cholesterol and no dietary fiber in this bottle, but it still adds up to 20 calories per tablespoon."
"I can't believe it," Terry said.
"I know. I would have thought there'd at least be some dietary fiber."
"Not that. If you're sitting there reading the ketchup bottle, then you really put the magazine in the fridge?"
I thought about that. "Huh. I guess I did." I dropped the ketchup bottle into the magazine rack. "Can't help the old thinker from dropping a gear or two as we get older."
Terry fished out the ketchup bottle and headed to the refrigerator. "Maybe if you'd exercise the gray cells a bit more, the synapses would snap a bit better." She tossed a chilly magazine at me. "Page 93. Tips to stop the brain from aging."
I pulled on gloves and flipped pages. It turns out that growing smarter as we grow older is more pleasant than I thought.
"Sleep. Laugh. Eat. Walk. Hey, I'll have the ol' noggin back in shape in no time."
I perused the fine print. It seems the best thing for cognitive skills is physical activity.
"I tried this at work. They told me to get back to my desk, that I couldn't hike to the store for a candy bar."
"You thought you could make a candy run in the middle of your shift?"
"Sure. It's item No. 2." I held up the magazine. "Antioxidants add firepower to the brain. Chocolate and nuts are just jammed with antioxidants. Ergo -- that's a smart word -- Snickers bars make you smart."
Terry threw up her hands. "I don't think you're reading that right."
"And look at this part, the evidence is mixed about working crossword puzzles or playing thinking games, and vitamins and supplements seem to do little good."
"I suppose watching cartoons is good?"
I scanned the article. "Well, laughter stimulates dopamine. So I'd say it's a no-brainer that Bugs and Elmer are great for the gray cells. Do you remember where I put the remote?"
Terry rubbed her temples. "I really don't think…"
"If you took more naps, you would." I shoved the magazine at her. "Sleep reorganizes the brain. Research shows that people working complex math problems did twice as well after a good night's sleep." I kicked back in my easy chair. "My Snickers-fueled smarts tell me that if I take even more naps than I do now, I'll do better than that."
Terry whimpered. "I give up. I need a bubble bath."
"It's hard to argue with a smart person," I agreed. "Say, if you happen to see the ice cream in there, give me a yell. I can't remember where I left the carton."
She yelled. Have you ever noticed how cranky others get around smart people?
— Get smart with Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook. His latest novel, "Bash and the Chocolate Milk Cows," hits bookstores May 1.