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There's no need to buy memberships in one of those big fancy expensive gyms to get a good winter workout. My wife and I exercise together, using whatever equipment is lying about the place.
The key is to constantly yell encouragement at one another.
"OK, now PUSH!" one of us will yell encouragingly.
"I AM pushing. Stop gunning the engine!" the other of us yells back, even more encouragingly. "Rock it gently."
"I'll rock you if you don't push harder. I'm late for work."
"Well, why'd you drive the car into the snow bank?"
"It's not a snow bank, it's our driveway."
"Our driveway is over there. Isn't it?"
"Why don't you get the shovel and find out?"
And on we go, encouraging each other to pieces in 3 feet of snow in subfreezing temperatures. You just can't get that kind of tandem exercise in the summer.
Summers are boring, full of clear paths perfect for long strolls in shady trails. Summers are when you follow your ambles with snoozes in hammocks swaying in a cooling breeze, an iced drink by your side.
In winter, it's not the drinks that are iced.
I don't even walk to the mailbox without first calling my chiropractor to schedule the appointment I know I'm about to need.
Next, I tie pillows strategically about my body. You wouldn't leave home without your safety gear for summer skateboarding would you? It's even more crazy to step out the door without your pads for the harsher realities of winter workouts.
Another great exercise is icicle aerobics. That's when you swing the snow shovel like a baseball bat to knock icicles off the gutters. Then you discover it's a real workout trying to be nimble in 3 feet of snow. There's something about flying icicles that encourages the winter athlete to jump, twist and flail.
None of those dainty summer exercises can match winter routines of getting in and out of the house for thrills and chills. Chills on multiple levels, in fact.
In the summer, I enjoy plunking myself down on the weight set in my garage to pump iron. It's a satisfying strain, an awesome sweat, relaxing exhaustion.
But 90 minutes of lifting comes nowhere near 10 short minutes of shoveling snow for sheer rigor and streaming sweat. Not to mention accelerated heart rate.
Lifting weights leaves me sore the next day. Shoveling, or wrestling a snow blower through mounds of fresh walls of slush, leaves me crinkled the next day.
I have nutso friends who think it's fun to strap their feet onto boards and navigate their way down hills. But for real exercise, take your partner by the arm and power-walk her from the car, through the snow, to the house.
"C'mon, Sweetie. I'll hold you up."
"Thank you, dear. It's so nice.. Yikes! I'm falling!"
"Let go of my arm! Let go of my arm!"
"Aaaargh!"
"Oof! Ow. Great, now we're both down here with no one to call the ambulance. Why didn't you let go?"
"I needed somewhere soft to land. You're wearing the padding."
I can't wait for summer. These winter workouts are killing me.
— Work out with Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com or at the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.