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Here's a little piece I'd like to call: "Why I'm So Excited for the 2022 Winter Olympics in Bejing, China, and You Should Be, Too. If You Aren't, Get Excited. Soon. Seriously. It's Starting Friday, Feb. 4. That's This Week, People. Also, Root for the U.S. Every Day, Every Sport. Every Event. Yes, Even Curling."
But my editors won't let me submit a title that long. Hmpf.
OK, fine. Maybe it's a LITTLE cumbersome.
I hope they won't mind my second pick: "The XXIV Olympic Winter Games -- Woo Hoo!" #NotLikelyEither
Hmm. Oh well.
The Winter Games of the 24th Olympiad (sorry, but I think it's so totally way cool when they refer to them that way) officially begin with the grandeur of the opening ceremonies on: 4 February 2022, Time: 8 p.m., China Standard Time. They run through Feb. 20.
Er, at least, that's what I read via the official website https://olympics.com/en/beijing-2022/.
I mean, who doesn't love the Olympics opening ceremonies? The pomp, the circumstance, the colors, the athletes, the music. The sheer awesomeness of it all.
Um, TEAM USA waving Old Glory and marching proudly in together. HELLO? Woo Hoo!
Plus, if you're lucky, you can catch two warring teammates glaring at each other.
As the mother of a superstar swimmer, clearly, I'm more partial to the Summer Olympics as a rule. But as a proud American, I bleed red, white and blue in every and all Olympics seasons. Period.
Ever since I was a little girl and saw Dorothy Hamill win gold (I've forgiven her for the haircut), I've always imagined myself spinning around in the "Hamill Camel" (that twisty, turny rotation thingy where the skaters go round and round so fast, they look like they're made out of rubber).
Still not convinced? Here are some compelling arguments for tuning in:
・ It only comes around every four years. Sure, it's not like missing Halley's Comet, but still. That's an entire college career. Yeah, that's right, I did it in four; don't act so surprised!
・ It's literally one of the most exciting, diverse and unpredictable events, sporting or otherwise, anywhere. I mean, if an American can't come in first, then I definitely wanna see some 14-year-old from like, some tiny little island country that isn't even visible on your globe pencil sharpener bust out the upset, you dig?
・ Speedskating and bobsledding. I can't accurately explain why I love them since both totally stress me out -- they ARE traveling at 8,435 mph, after all!
・ Sean White. Enough said. Oh, and if you don't know who Sean White is, I'm not sure we can be pals anymore.
On the flip side, here are some sports that I hope NEVER to see in the Olympics -- elephant polo, crab racing, shin kicking, canyoning, underwater hockey, bog snorkeling and pea shooting. I swear, I did not make up any of them.
Anyhoo, just watch already. And you BETTER be rooting for the Americans, capisce?
-- Kimerer is a columnist and TEAM USA superfan. Check out her blog at www.patricia kimerer.com.