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Patty Kimerer column

Will the real Amber and Johnny sit down, shut up

The other day I sat down with Kyle to see what he was so intently watching on the telly. Lo and behold, it was the Amber Heard / Johnny Depp trial. Or what I like to refer to as the case of the “Hollywood People Who Have Too Much Money, No Scruples (on either side) and are Acting Like Spoiled Rotten Brats.” Inside of four minutes, I developed a fairly significant headache. Pretty sure it was a mild migraine. It immediately inspired me to pen this little sonnet: Amber and Johnny, sitting in room. With a real-live judge and jurors, too. First came her claims, then came ...

If only a school quarter actually cost a quarter

When I was a young college co-ed (you know, back in the days when they still thought the Earth was flat), we students found college to be sort of, um, pricey. Mind you, this was between 1986 and 1990. Hey, don’t look so surprised that I finished in four years. And that I’m that old. ...

Some stars’ light doesn’t shine bright in person

Have you ever wondered what your favorite celebrity, musician, actor or otherwise famous person would be like if you met them face to face? I recently read a story that included a ton of comments from regular old Joes and Josephines like you and me. Its focus was on their encounters with ...

I still remember the day. Seems like it was just a few years back. It was a gorgeous, sunny late summer morning that felt more like July than September — which was NOT the reason I was sweating, by the by. Sigh. It was the day I officially dropped Kyle off at pre-school for the first ...

From Mama Bombeck, Happy Mother’s Day

When I was in the fourth grade, I think it was, at Saint Matthias Catholic School in Youngstown, I was over-the-moon excited to be chosen as one of my class representatives in the school’s annual speech contest. Every year, a certain number of students were selected to write an essay / ...

There are some things in life I just don’t get

As long as I live — and just to be clear, I hope to be a burden on Kerry and Kyle for many years to come — whatever that duration may be, I’ll be forever perplexed about certain things on this big round ball of ours. Sure, quantum physics, statistics (or “stats” as most college ...