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Burton Cole column

The road less traveled by made too much of a gasping difference

Many years ago, poet Robert Frost penned the famous lines, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — / I took the one less traveled by, / And that has made all the difference.” Bob, buddy, I know what you mean. I got lost too. A wrong turn, and wrong turn there, and next thing you know, you’re muttering, “I took the road less traveled by and now I have no clue where I am.” I’m not sure I’d brag about it making all the difference, though: “Bob, where were you? The meeting started three hours ago.” “Well, see, there was this wood, and I zigged when I should have ...

30 years later, back to dorm life

After 30 years of living in a house in the country, I’ve moved to a small apartment in the city. It’s dorm life all over again, but with bad knees and fewer escapades involving random male stupidity. I grew up in the country, where we boys could run, holler, spit and throw things all ...

The Cap’n and I are going to be ship shape — or barge shaped

Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but now that summer nears, I’m going to get back in shape. Oh, you’ve heard that one before have you? Well, I mean it this time. No seriously. Ah, c’mon, that wasn’t supposed to be the humorous part of this column. I started yesterday. Well, really, I started two weeks ago. And two months ago. And six months ago. And a year or two ago. The point is, I’ve started. Tonight, I took a loooong walk around town, which has a few slopes and rises. Gentle mountains, I think. I must have sprinted along — OK, trudged; give me a couple days to ...

Eh, where are the anvils kept, Doc?

Because I value continued learning, I eagerly studied a series of nature documentaries the other day. One of the episodes featured a rabbit, a duck and a befuddled hunter. “It’s rabbit season!” the black drake spluttered. “It’s duck season!” the gray bunny countered. Duck: ...

Cousin Ollie and the robot spy cow

Things had been slow around the farm. “You’re always slow,” Cousin Ollie chided. I glared. But Ollie didn’t notice since he was jumping three or four paces ahead of me, as usual. “I don’t run unless a bear’s chasing me. And since there aren’t any bears in our woods…” Ollie snorted. “You ran pretty fast when that cow chased you around the pasture. I thought you’d at least slow down enough to shoot between the strands of barbed wire, not try to barrel straight through them.” “I was climbing the fence and tripped.” “Even the cow laughed at you ...

Without wives, men flounder in wrongness

Until I was married, I didn’t know when I was wrong. I needed someone in my life to tell me what to do. To tell me if that shirt goes with those pants. To inform me of what foods I like and which I despise. (I still think she had it backward when it came to beets and Boston cream ...