With age comes wisdom. That’s the rumor, anyway. I, for one, have never been this old, therefore, I have never been so full of wisdom as I am full of it now. Or full of something. Chocolate chip cookies, most likely. To quote the great philosopher Robert Paul, “I’m a little bit ...
Remember the Cold War? It raged between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. when I was but a kidling, but already was thawing. No longer did kids have to drill ducking beneath school desks in case of a nuclear strike. That’s right, at one time school desks were considered armor. The grownups weren’t great at explaining to me what a cold war was. As near as I could imagine, it was fought in Antarctica, and the jeeps and tanks pulled by sled dogs. The soldiers built massive snow forts and fired giant snowballs at each other with bazookas. A cold war sounded pretty cool to an ...
I need to apologize. I’ve been baking Christmas cookies. That’s a horrible thing to do, I know. Most cookies are ruined by baking. It’s the dough that’s money. I doubt that a more perfect food has ever been created. I suspect that it might even be what the Bible referred to as manna, that life-sustaining food sent directly from Heaven with the morning dew. Before I married Terry, I often would stir up a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough in my yellow mixing bowl with a big ol’, well-seasoned wooden spoon. (Chef’s note: Neither the color of the bowl nor the texture ...
It’s the most wonderful, er, stressful time of the year. OK, maybe those final few hours before April 15 tax deadline when you can’t remember where you tucked your W-2 so you wouldn’t lose it is more stressful, but the Christmas season is a more sustained stress. That’s why I’m hiding in my blanket fort until roughly Jan. 12. I believe the stress begins in earnest on Black Friday. That’s the day millions of shoppers all converge on the very parking space you are trying to pull into. And that’s just at the convenience store for coffee. Things don’t get crazy until you ...
Over the years, I have carefully cultivated my persona as a guy who can’t fix things. You may laugh, but it’s kept me safely away from numerous repair jobs and household disasters. When the pipe under the sink let go, I heard, “Burt, help! Come out here and fix this… Never mind. ...
The website BabyCenter just released the list of most popular baby names of 2024, and once again, for the last 4,000 or so years in row, my name never came close to cracking the top 100. Burton ranks No. 14,361 this year for most popular boys names, plummeting 10,030 spots like a Rock (No. ...
