More than the dogs can celebrate the days of August
Burt's Eye View
Let me be the first to wish you a happy National Root Beer Float Day.
What, you didn’t know? Probably not, if your wall calendar is like mine. August appears to be pretty bland in the holiday department. Blank, in fact. There’s nothing to do in August but melt.
Not so, according to the various keepers of the not-so-common observances.
For example, today, Aug. 6, not only is National Root Beer Float Day, but it’s also National Fresh Breath Day, National Sisters Day, National Doll Day, American Family Day, National Friendship Day, Wiggle Your Toes Day, and Mustard Day.
So slap some mustard on your sister’s doll, wiggle your toes in a friend’s float, toss breath mints at the family and celebrate.
Here’s a small sampling of some of the other observances that actually exist during the month of August.
Aug. 8 — Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night. There. One night. ONE. The rest of the year, leave me chocolate cake.
Aug. 9 — National Book Lover’s Day. Oh, yeah! Might I suggest the “Bash and the Pirate Pig” series. It’s by my wife’s favorite author — me.
Aug. 10 — Lazy Day. I tend to make this one a yearlong celebration. Also, it’s S’mores Day. Yeah, it’s a good day today.
Aug. 11 — Presidential Joke Day. Um, no. I’m not going there. This is not a political column. It’ll disturb my Lazy Day.
Aug. 15 — Relaxation Day. It’s also National Lemon Meringue Pie Day, an awesome way to relax. I’m guessing we need this to rest up for…
Aug. 16 — National Thriftshop Day. Ugh. Please don’t tell my wife. She’ll drag me to the celebration..
Aug. 17 — I Love My Feet Day. This answers the question of how does one measure love. It’s Size 14.
Aug. 18 — Bad Poetry Day. “Birdie, birdie in the sky, why’d you drop that in my eye? I’m sure glad that elephants don’t fly.” Also, it’s National Ice Cream Pie Day. “Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream pie, why’d you drop out of the sky? Now I’ll have to let you lie, and watch you melt there while I cry.”
Aug. 21 — National Senior Citizens Day. I used to ignore this. Now, according to McDonald’s, I am one. Also, it’s Cupcake Day. I’ll have a Senior Coke with mine, please.
Aug. 24 — Pluto Demoted Day. That poor little planet.
Aug. 25 — Kiss and Make Up Day. By my calculations, the fighting part wastes time and energy that could be invested into more of the kissing part, which is the half of the equation I prefer — provided it’s with my wife. Also, it’s National Banana Split Day — in case you have no one to kiss.
Aug. 28 — Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day — Well, I guess that adds variety to all the games of computer solitaire I play when I’m supposed to be working. Also, it’s Crackers Over the Keyboard Day. Yeah, we’re not getting any work done today.
Aug. 29 — More Herbs, Less Salt Day. Um, let’s skip to…
Aug. 30 — Toasted Marshmallow Day — Which is best celebrated on…
Aug. 31 — National Eat Outside Day. It’s also Love Litigating Lawyers Day, so treat your favorite litigator to a toasted marshmallows picnic. And please, only toast the marshmallows.
It’s August. Let’s celebrate.
— Tell Cole about your favorite August holiday at firstname.lastname@example.org or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.