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Discovering the dangers getting fit

November 6, 2012 - Burton Cole (humor columnist)

Today, against all sense, reason or logic, I turned in my registration for the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. Why did I make such an unhealthy, insane choice when so many great philosophers did their best to warn me against it?

While I try to puzzle that out, here's a sampling of notes on the dangers of fitness (and other frightening facts about running):

"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups." – Rita Rudner

"I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty." – Wendy Liebman

"Will run for chocolate." – back of a running shirt (Actually, those last two make sense.)

"Running a marathon – there's an app for that." – saying on a running shirt

"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back." – Franklin Jones

"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television." – Victoria Wood

"I overtrain so I can overeat!" – saying on a running shirt

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." – Martin Mull (also attributed to David Lee Roth)

"My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." – Milton Berle

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again." – Erma Bombeck

"Running is a mental sport – and we're all insane!" – author unknown

"If found on ground, please drag to finish line." – saying on the back of running shirt

And finally, one that might strike a bit closer to the truth:

“It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.” – George Sheehan

OK, folks, send in your registrations and huff and puff alongside me at the Turkey Trot!


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