I’ll give credit where it’s due — holding a grudge takes real commitment. It’s not just a fleeting annoyance; it’s a full-time job.

You have to keep that fire stoked, let it simmer under the surface and make sure you never let it go. And honestly? That sounds exhausting.

It’s not that I don’t get it. Some wounds cut deep. Some betrayals sting for years. But here’s the thing — grudges don’t just affect the people involved. They spread.

They hit the innocent bystanders, the ones who had nothing to do with the original fallout but still got caught in the ripple effect. And that’s where I struggle.

I’ve never been able to hold a grudge. At times, I almost wish I could. There’s a certain power in it, a feeling of control. But that’s not how I operate.

What I can do is set boundaries. If someone crosses a line, if their actions don’t align with who I am or what I stand for, I adjust accordingly. It’s not about holding onto resentment, it’s about protecting my space.

But here’s what really gets me: the way some people take their grudges and remove the human element from them.

It’s not that person who wronged them, it’s an entire business, a whole organization, a community, a system.

And yet, those entities? They’re made up of actual people. People who had no part in whatever happened but end up paying the price anyway. It’s a convenient way to justify holding onto anger while ignoring the collateral damage.

And then there’s the revenge factor.

Grudges don’t always just sit there and fester. Sometimes they grow legs. They turn into actions, and not the kind that turn pain into purpose.

What’s funny (and by funny, I mean frustrating) is that someone could easily take that same energy and use it to do something good or out of spite, even. But that never seems to be the go-to.

Instead, it’s destruction, tearing things down, making sure others feel the weight of that grudge. And for what?

There’s a huge difference between knowing history and holding onto history. One keeps you informed and helps you make better choices. The other keeps you stuck, reliving the same storyline over and over again.

At some point, you have to ask yourself, “Am I carrying this because it serves me? Or because I don’t know who I am without it?”

Now, I know this whole thing might feel a little cryptic. Some of you might know exactly what I’m getting at. Others might be thinking of something I’m completely unaware of. And that’s fine. Perspective is a funny thing.

And listen, I know I can lean a little rainbows-and-butterflies sometimes. I want people to be better and to treat each other with more kindness. But I’m not naive.

My head might be in the clouds but my feet are planted firmly on the ground. I know that letting go isn’t easy. I know some wounds don’t just fade.

But I also know that at some point, you have to decide: Is this grudge worth carrying? Or is it time to put it down and move forward?

From me to you — just something to think about.

Mother, author, entrepreneur and founder of Dandelion-Inc, Lisa Resnick wants to hear your story. Share memories with her by emailing lisa@dandelion-inc.com.